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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

5 things

one time at band camp ...



  1. when i was a runner ~ on a particularly memorable jaunt through a socal town, the urge to evacuate overcame me so urgently, that i had to squat down on the side of an Orange County business street and plop out an emergency doody.

    in front of god and all his credit card slips.


  2. once i was so high that i scrambled underneath a train while it moved slowly through an intersection.

    ... scrambled under those knife cutter wheels ... with my bike.


    that cured me of hallucinogenics, something fierce.


  3. i've probably kissed more boys than xBunny.


  4. i am,without doubt, one of the worst automobile drivers in the universe. A few months after i received a driving license, i'd already had near half-a-dozen tickets and prolly a couple accidents, ta'boot.

    The 4th or 5th time i went before one of those juvee-traffic judge-types, i had gotten a ticket for speeding the very night before (with, thankfully, unfound and not yet consumed alcohol in the backseat). The judge took a look at my record and asked what the hell was wrong with me. I looked him flat in the face and told him i was a damn menace and shouldn't have a license. I told him how just the night before I had gotten another ticket and was just sick and tired of the whole ballgame. I told him to take away my license and feed it to the guppies in the tank gurgling away in the fake-paneled halls of that decrepit county building.


    He reduced both tickets to non-moving violations and reckoned the lessons had been learned and was satisfied that i'd figured the hard parts out.


    sigh.


  5. I haven't really found a sexual fetish yet.

    but, i'm sure as hell hoping something interesting comes up. Something with fun props and harmlessly disturbing social connotations.

    something foolish and unique.


    hmm ... foolish and unique.


TAGGED in an all-reacharound fashion:

CHICO
PAB
BJM
JUNKADONK
anonymous

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Someone will have to check the rule book on tagging Anonymous.

Ippoc Amic said...

hmm...I do recall a previous post that warned these 5 may or may not be true...

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

moi?


crickey ... this blog is sucking so bad lately ~ i can't even make up funny shit right now.


might need a blog vacation to recharge. maybe throw some scribblins together for a submission.

maybe just do some of the reading put aside.

maybe just ride my bike.



double sigh. i'm tired.

X Bunny said...

read a book--i think that's a good suggestion

i don't know when i last read a whole book

i started to the other day and it felt good--like remembering how much i enjoy talking to someone when i haven't had a chance for a while--but then i couldn't sit still long enough

but you've got that nice chair

Anonymous said...

I read all day at work and don't get sparked up at home much anymore. Did read Cormac McCarthy's "The Road" a few weeks ago and found it quite worthy, like a car wreck you just can't peel your eyes away from.

bbElf (a.k.a. panda) said...

Now that it's been covered, I don't feel so bad about leaving my pooping-in-public story out.

Pegging might be something to look into (it might not be a fetish, but it definitely messes with the status-quo).

jAndy donka-donk said...

OK I will get on this right after I throw up my christmas vacation "rock lobster on single track" epics.......

promise..

Anonymous said...

x-bun is right. reading a good book will help.

one time a guy i was kinda dating asked me if i would lead him around with a leash while he was dressed in just women's "panties" and high heeled shoes.

he was shorter then me. i like tall masculine guys so i said no.

vander pig said...

saddle sores!@!

Anonymous said...

Hernandoodoo, it feels nice not to be left out or ignored.

Anonymous said...

Cormac McCarthy = literary god

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

you guys are so damn southwest.


all right ... i was in to them perty horses, too.

Anonymous said...

but he's not just southwest.

get yerself some _Child of God_ and some _Suttree_.

Anonymous said...

The Road is apparently quite different from the other works. Certainly no southwestern overtones. And it's a real quick read. Three or four crapper sessions tops.

Anonymous said...

so very borat, #1, or was that #2

Anonymous said...

completely unrelated to the contents of your amusing blog (i used to be a runner to and that's all i'm going to say about that, right now i am reading a racehorse book which keeps making me cry for no real reason other than that man o' war was an amazing horse and that's all i am saying about that topic too):
anyway. who is pab?
i feel dumb.

i also feel dumb because i just heard that gerald ford died. i knew james brown died, but somehow the ford death escaped me? i need to stop going straight to the comics.

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

da'PAB is my great friend and teammie, Jeffy P.

big mountain hippie.


... and we's all dumb. sho'nuff.