Blogs that suck time

my pooTUBE
my pUtube
my poopics

SWOBO
avoid the bummerlife

need to reach me? pedalhome at hotmail

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

i want it back

so, a person a few offices down the aged, drooping catholic halls of where i work, walks into mine to inform me she has no power to any of her office equipment. like ... i'm a man, so i should be able to instantly fix all this.

"ok, you have no power."

she sort of stares at me. waiting. "no, i don't have any power."

- - -

Sigh.

- - -

And so, after a look at the fusebox down at the end of the building - and a few moments of deciphering 7 or 8 decades of penciled, erased, scratched, re-penciled notes on which fuses attach to what outlets in where rooms? - I give my best guess and switch 'off' and then 'on' the prehistoric fuse, it "snicks" into place like a rusty hinge closing.

I've no idea if this will work and, as I say so, hope like hell it will so I can get out of this bit of male obligation. Why in the world would she think I'd know how to restore her power? Is it mine to give?

We walk back toward her office and she stops to jabber with another worker popping a head out the office one up from hers. I wait patiently as this 'good morning' ... 'oh, good morning' straddles on. They surpass my 20 second bubble and figure I'm released from obligation at this point, grunting something about coffee as I extricate myself and leave her to her own devices. Sweet dark liquid sloshing into my cup, a meditation on chocolate donuts and late afternoon workouts ringing round my head ~ when from over my shoulder, "I still don't have any power."

cringe.

Ah well, might as well check out the office since it's readily apparent there's no outlet for me if I don't get hers working. And since I'm man-kind, I guess I have to go in and fiddle with something ... maybe give a few "hrmmmssss" and "uh huh..." to appease her. Secretly, knowing that I'm going to google me up an electrician to mess with this crap (lord, i hope it's a woman).

And so, following her in, she points to her computer, her printer, her phone - as though I wouldn't know where to look- and sure enough, each is cold and lifeless. Without power.

To the side of her desk I go, pushing past stained coffee mugs and struggling plant life to try and spy out where her pluggins are plugged in. I find it, one of those expander-doodaas that exponentiates the number of gadgets you can juice up off of a single source o' lectricity. It's an aged monster, dulled with dust and smudged with grime, the outlets sprouting out fraying wires ... looking like the sad, futile hair implants of an old man's leathery head.

i sigh again and nose down for a closer look.

No shit.

The lady had plugged the power source cord of the surge protector into itself. It wasn't hooked into the wall socket.



kill me.

34 comments:

Flandria said...

that is the funniest thing I've ever read (LOL)...i have tears in my eyes...lordie...

boots said...

welcome to my daily hell.

//no the mouse is not a foot pedal

VeloRainDog said...

pat her on the back, applaud her for her efforts to conserve electricity, and go about your business.

PAB said...

i sort of saw that ending coming--and still laughed my head off when i read it.

too f'in funny.

so, are you now her hero, or did you do the smart thing and make her feel like a complete idiot so that she will bug someone else next time she has a problem?

velogirl said...

Priceless.

Now, I play the estrogen card a lot these days. For 20 years I was a brash, bold, independent woman -- doing everything for myself. Painting, carpentry, automotive work, you name it. I even own power tools! I moved across the country by myself. I took care of everyone else. After twenty years of being the big tough girl, I finally decided I needed to let someone else take care of me.

Anonymous said...

F-ing hilarious! Your best post yet!

Anonymous said...

It amazes me how some people miss the whole "cause and effect" concept. "I move the plug from here to there, no more power. Couldn't have been anything I did!"

Of course, it could be a case of mechanical/electrical "Muchhausen by Proxy": "I move plugs around until everything stops working, and Michael in all his magnificent manlyness comes in and crawls around under my desk!" Hmmm...

X Bunny said...

i agree: priceless

i guess this is why whenever you call tech support for anything they always ask you the infuriating question "is it plugged in"

bit i also think she may have manipulated you

ginmtb said...

Did you show off the plumber's crack? (in this case the electrician's crack). Maybe that's all she really wanted from you...

Miss Mary said...

oh no, we get that here all the time.

thanks for the giggle ov.

Kirkpatrick MacMillan said...

I think she likes you.

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

jayzus ...

you know in the movie Dodgeball ... where the 'team' is doing a carwash fund raiser.

and the only customer they have is the Deliverance hick with his pitbull, rubbing his belly and gurgling out a 'hrmmm mmmm' as he watches the skinny boy bend over in the skivvies, giving the hick's truck a soapy rim job?

yeah, i kinda feelin' it now.

thanks for that.

marscat said...

you are screwed now. she'll always come to you!

Jed said: said...

It's because women aren't as smart as men.

Flandria said...

i will ignore that last statement...

PAB said...

obviously some introductions are in order...

flandria, meet Jed....

Miss Mary said...

that's right jed, we're smarter.

btw, nice work at natz.

bbElf (a.k.a. panda) said...

Those stories get me every time...

My boy is a robot mechanic in a 24/7 lab & my favorite weekend emergency call went like this (this is AFTER the power had been turned on during the first call):

Lab worker: "Help! The robot hit a trash can full of water & fell off its tracks!"
Boy: "It hit a trash can? Full of water? How did a trash can full of water get in its way?"
Labby: "I put it there."

Yes, I suppose you would...put a trash can...full of water...on the robot tracks...

Now they just flat call him in late at night to hit on him. Welcome to the "Manmeat Club," OV.

X Bunny said...

trash can full of water on the robot tracks?

i hate it when that happens

and flandria, don't be so nice to jed--he doesn't like it

Velo Bella said...

honey

could you come over here and check the ummmm....

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

i'll fix you right up, baby.

Anonymous said...

If you were flippin' switches they're called breakers not fuses, what are you, a woman?! Next time call Brian McGuire.

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

doesn't he wear a skirt?

X Bunny said...

whenever he can

Lothar Glerbny said...

Had to forward the story. hee hee.

Does she use the DVD/CD tray on her computer as a cup holder too?

nosajpalnud said...

missed this one yesterday

sounds like it could be a scene for Office Space 2 - funny shit

Nome Agusta said...

Should have turned all the switches off. That has a good "OH SHIT" factor built right in. They would never let you touch the fuse box again.

Anonymous said...

Here are some links that I believe will be interested

Anonymous said...

This site is one of the best I have ever seen, wish I had one like this.
»

Anonymous said...

Hey what a great site keep up the work its excellent.
»

Katie said...

Wait. Do we work together? I'm so embarassed.

Anonymous said...

Did you hear the camera click when you were down on all fours, fixing the powr? Maybe she has her own blog?

Robin Horwitz said...

Damn, that is funny. I really needed that laugh.

le petit lutin said...

Yeah, that was a great post!!