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Sunday, December 30, 2007

to anonymous, from anonymous

What I am about to say is for the benefit of all blogkind.

First and foremost I would like to say publicly to every mystery blogger who has dedicated the theme of their post to "Hail to King Vanderhoot" (i.e. "Hernando is the mostest bestest blogger EVER and where will the world be without him and no one can compare and he is a legend and all you sniveling imitators will never amount to the wonderfuleriffic-ittude of the Great And Powerful Olaf"):




Whew. Now that I got that out of the way, I can get to the real meat and juice of this little ditty, which is this: ANONYMOUS BLOG COMMENTERS ARE ASSHOLES.

Or, some of them are. Namely, the ones who like to leave "constructive criticism" in the way of phrases such as "You're a fucking dumbass!" and "Get a life, you fucktard!"


Don't get me wrong, I can shit-talk with the best of them, but one just has to wonder: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?! If you're so fine-freaking-tastic, then write a post of your own. And if you're going to be an arrogant jerk, you could at least identify yourself before doing so.

So anyway, for those bloggers who are less adept at responding to the loving words of their anonymous commenters, I have included below a fail-proof recipe for creating insulting phrases that one can use against your bloggery foes.

STEP 1: Select a kitchen appliance of your choice (sharp objects such as lemon zesters, cheese graters, and food processor blades work nicely for a start)

STEP 2: Choose an orfice of your opponent's body

STEP 3: Tell the anonymous commenter to shove the kitchen appliance up their bodily orfice.

And wha-la!


Anonymous said...

“What I am about to say if for your benefit” anonymous wrote.
Blatant, unquestioned arrogance and a false self-confindence. No soft touch at all, eh?

This anonymous person has poor self-control, and his means of expression is very close to sheer violence. A frustrated sociopath. I disagree with your reverting to name calling and blaspheming a beautiful part of the human body.

“ASSHOLES.” See comment above.

“I can shit-talk with the best of them.”
No you can’t. You’ve obviously had your feelings hurt real bad, but I’m less than sympathetic since you’re expressing your frustration crudely and with verbal violence.

“What is wrong with you people?”
You’re looking in the wrong direction.

Your criticisms are misguided (you’re not a good listener, thus not a good responder) and your fantasies of violence disturb me. Please get some help off-site. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Advice to the angry poster:
1) focus all your attention on your own sense of inadequecy, which has to do with your inability to deal with a critical, i.e. thinking, environment.
2) stop coping with your inadequecy by tearing down other people (ironically the same strategy you seem to be attacking in other anonymous posters)
3) combat your feelings of cowardice by building communication skills and practicing complete reciprocity, treating people the right way. You'll get positive response then, and maybe start to feel better about yourself. You've got to try.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous commenters suck.