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Thursday, November 29, 2007

but you said you loved me ...


hi, i race bicycles.
my hobbies are satisfying cats, ignoring irony, and showering. i enjoy introducing myself.

Please SWOBO, give me something horribly fashionable to wear at an upcoming cash-cycle race. I know that i should be a good-capitalist and buy your stuff from the interwebs ... but, i can't help it ~ i want to be your dirty little display thing, your woolie covered trinket tinkling around in coast-less pedaling mayhem for one testosteroned weekend of so-cal velodrama.

The racing will be megaPro ~ chocked full of So-Cal SuperModels, roadiehardmen, and other such pedaling mercenaries in search of a little x-mas loot to warm the holidays. there will be much suffering and quiet beggings for mercy out on those evil banks, SWOBO ~ and i just don't think i can make myself take the pain of it all if i'm not at least a little bit distasteful to look at by the normal-ites.

So, please SWOBO ... give me baubles to display ...

paint my body with your fabrics and scent me with your disdain for the bummer life. cover me in a way that none will miss, few will understand, and only a handful will tolerate. i'm your template, SWOBO ... your canvas. I'm an aged, velocromium-plated photo ready to be sliced, brushed, edited and imported as layer to your latest wicked creation.

but ... it's not just for you and the creative benefits you will reap when taking my body as canvas. No, i also ask for myself ~ you see, i'm desperate to proclaim loud and clear my status as nuevo primadonna pro ...

i'm ready Swobo. Take up the brush ~ make me so beautiful that eyes bleed when turned upon. make me popular and sinister and make the Man fascinatedly afraid of what i represent.

Thank you for stuff,


Karl Rover said...

OV, You're not sullen enough to ride for Swobo. You should try Team Super Relax ( up in PDX. They are more your speed.

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

i can do sullen.

is it like constipated?

bbElf (a.k.a. panda) said...

I really hope you sent the white-jumpsuit photo.

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

oh jesus, i can't actually approach these people. they are in a world of cool quite separate from mine.

but i love watching.

Beth said...

yeah. go back to flower skinsuit pretty boy.

twinkiepatissier said...

bloom, sir olaf, bloom!

mor.ganj said...

Tim Parr should buy you a Cadillac with all that coaster brake money he's rolling in!

funkdaddy said...

One of your hobbies is "satisfying cats"?

You might want to keep that one to yourself.

Velo Bella said...


Johnny GoFast said...

And to think I just recommended your site to those VeloSnews eds. One look at you in that skinsuit and they'll be grabbing their fancy literary degrees and heading off for the bottom of a pint. Maybe your humor isn't ready for the national stage. Too red still, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

We, in all of our sullen-ness, have taken your plea into consideration and will be back with your shortly.

Thank you for contacting us, and we look forward to a long and exciting future together.


Swobo hobo.

Velo Bella said...


now you are in trubble!

Anonymous said...

The world needs more sullen (read: constipated), cat pleasuring, flower wearing, cx pimping guys like you.

you rock man!