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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

pisser

I frickin' forgot my helmet again today. gawdammit.

Yesterday i had a handful of minutes to scour in a workout. Rushing out to a still dripping Sputnik, I pulled out the bike and started tossing on all the chamois i could scrounge up from the floorboards. Got all the gloves and wet gear on and then looked around for the decrepit helmet ...


shyte.

- - -

It's not as though i'm all that worried about crashing out my brainpan ... i mean, to be honest ~ i'm waaay too stupid to be a'feared on bicycles. That's always been one of my biggest assets and one of my most painful weaknesses.

100 mile breakaway? solo? Sign my ass up!
slam shoulders and throw cursewords at the field-sprinting-linebackers of spandex? well, that's just my favorite thing ever!
motorpace through mid-town traffic a few inches off the unknowing bumber? really, i try not to do that ... promise!

So, riding without a helmet isn't so much a self-preservation thing ... though i do have my sweetie to think about, now. I mean, if i weren't around ... who would feed the kiki?

But what really embarrasses the hell out of me about riding without a helmet is when some 11-year old sees me pedaling fierce up the hill'ervals, all fancy-pants in spandexed bling-bling, and thinks it's the epitome of coolness to ride skidlidless. That bums my ass out.

and now i've got to do it again today.

fuk.

26 comments:

m said...

You are sooo fired.

shawndoggy said...

Having spent a fair amount of time around 11 year olds lately, I can assure you that you are completely out of the woods. None of them would consider your skinny, shaved-legged, spandex-clad arse cool, helmet or not.

Your worries are over.

And yes, it is kinda silly to hurtle ourselves down sketchy 50+ mph decents whilst wearing said spandex and think that the beer cooler on our heads makes us invincible. But it sure is fun.

Merkeley Bike said...

Just in case shawndoggy is wrong I think you should wear something distinctly uncool while riding...paper hat, underwear over your spandex...just in case.

Brent Chapman said...

yah.. merkley has the tip...
do it dressed like a Fred today. Then they wont want to be like you.

banks said...

Take the day off.

Regards,
geezer competitor

Anonymous said...

For emergency helmet tape 4 (Safeway) bananas together in retro helmet shape.. (()) and place on noggin. Attach one extra if it's a long ride incase you might be tempted to mess with the structural integrity of your new helmet.

MS

lauren said...

i like that banana helmet idea.

is that a banana on your head? or are you just happy to see us?

marscat said...

as long as it's not looped to the handlebars...

casey said...

Green bananas might provide a sufficient level of protection but I doubt the overly ripe ones with lots of brown spots would offer enough protection to be worth the trouble.

Anonymous said...

please... don't you know hernando only wears black on the noggin.

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

i'm such a gawdamn dork.

McSassy said...

Yes you are.........

But then are not well all?

MS

McSassy said...

Yes you are.........

But then are not we all?

MS

Eclectchick said...

If someone is "up there" keeping a tally, yo ass is grass.

X Bunny said...

there is nothing you could do within an hour's drive of here that would require a bicycle helmet

Jr. Curmudgeon said...

Olaf,
I couldn’t agree with you more. I was the first person on the Saturday ride in Santa Cruz to wear helmet (non hairnet). It was one of the giant Bell helmets that looked like it could have been used in Star Wars. My mom bought it for me when I was 17 and made me swear to her and God that I would wear it. I was teased and ridiculed by my mostly older contemporaries at the time! Exactly 2 months later, 3 of us went down at 40+mph on old S.J. Soquel Rd. I ended up face planting the pavement and ended up with nothing more than a scab directly under my nose that made me look like Hitler for a couple of weeks. My mates were not as lucky as me.
The point of all this that I became a believer in helmets in a big way very early on. What I don’t like are pictures of pros riding sans helmet, I think it sends the wrong message out. Even worse are the pro posers I see riding around without helmets; it makes me sick. I’m personally tired of pulling people off of the roads and trails who have been knocked senseless while not wearing a helmet. I’m a firm believer that if you get dressed to go for a ride, then wear should wear your helmet!

Nome Agusta said...

Last week I came down my block to find my 12 year old on his pogo stick with no helmet on. I asked him "so what do you think is harder, your head or the asphalt?".
12 year old "uh, the asphalt".
Me "then what do you think might happen if you lose your balance and fall?"
12 year old "people don't wear helmets when they are on pogo sticks"
Me "and those people are smarter than me...how?"

shawndoggy said...

nome's kid also wears his helmet to the playground (asphalt, you know), while swimming (hey, what's harder, your head or the bottom of that pool?), and to all school dances (that tile was just waxed!). Oh, and of course in the car, because he knows that the dashboard is harder than his face.

Sorry, nome, gotta back up yer kid here. :)

Tony Rocha said...

Hell, I wear a helmet when I windsurf and water is much more soft compared to pavement, yo. Of course that did no good when I got clocked in the face by the end of the boom while pulling a rad duck jibe in Rio Vista.

Nome Agusta said...

Let me get this straight, you think that springing into the air and balancing on a metal tube with 1.5" diameter doesn't present any increased risk of falling and hitting the ground really hard?

In my best Dr. Evil voice "right..."

X Bunny said...

it may be the first time, but nome's got my vote

of course, i'm admitedly hyperactive on this subject

if i'd forgotten my helmet, i'd have done the same thing i woulda done if i'da forgotten my bike

shawndoggy said...

No, my poorly made point was that the perceptions of others (especially to an adolescent) are more important than the actual risk of injury. And that there are equally dangerous situations where we don't bat an eye about the absence of helmets. When was the last time you saw someone break out a helmet to go sledding, for instance? But IME, sledding never ends till someone bleeds.

But maybe I'm wrong. Apparently, helmet use for different sports (including pogo sticking) is actively discussed here. My favorite was this one: dog bicycle helmet.

lauren said...

i think that dog is wearing underwear as well as a helmet.

McSassy said...

"When was the last time you saw someone break out a helmet to go sledding, for instance?"

My kids do ever since Lora had them up there and a kid was crushed between a tree and his Dads chest.....

The watched the whole thing happen all the way until the life flight left........Dead kid and all.

Bad bad bad way to end a day.

I'm amazed CJ the safety man even gets on a sled anymore.......Erin is like me and shows a total lack of respect to fear, scary.

MS

McSassy said...

Oh yeah, I'm with bunny.

No glove no love........

I mean .........shit, nevermind you know what I meant.

I fall down to much to go without my beer cooler on my knoggin.

MS

funkdaddy said...

I am a little close to this subject - I have lost 3 friends car/bike or car/skate accidents.

I cannot ride without my helmet, that goes as well for windsurfing and snowboarding. If I forget it, forget it...

Kids are easily persuaded to think helmets are cool. My 4-yr-old is into full body armor for rides in the park.

When you see someone riding w/out a helmet, ask if their team lost their helmet sponsor - it's smug, but makes a point. Also, email their team managers and let them know their riders aren't wearing helmets and it looks really bad.

BTW does Lombardi's have a helmet sponsor? I swear I have never seen any of their riders with a lid on on the local rides...

And those pro racers that only put on their helmets at the last possible second and take them off 10 feet after the finish line - George Hincapie is a big offender of this - just get over yourself and put your helmet on. I'm sure Giro loves to see that sweet helmet they gave you strapped to your stem...

Oh, and what's the email for the Safeway team contact? See there's this guy...