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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

i'll be your huckleberry

oy ... where's the time to do all the bloggin'? the long weekend (thank you european conquistadorks) makes for a short work week ... and fukkal if that ain't puttin' the pressure on.

ah well ~ enough of the waahwaah ...

- - -

For some crazy-ass reason - i got sent an invite to get a "media credential" for CX Natz.


Yeah, that's right baby. I sent that shit in. Ya'll know I'm gonna be spreadin' the NorCross gospel out there and bringing home the songs to sing of our local beauties and roughnecks in their exploits out RhodeIslandWay. I'll do that sex-talk up no matter what.

But ~ can you imagine me walking around with a media thingie danglin' around the neck ... saddlin' up to Johnson and askin' for a few interview questions ... cuz i'm press and all ... distracting him with a "and how do you find the course, Tim" ... whilst i whip his tail end around and quick-like hump the shit out of that little side-dish o' manmeat.

mmm ... damn that's gonna be some good times.

So, no way in hell they're gonna put me on their "roll of authorized cool" ... but it got me to thinking that I should go ahead and fake up some credentials of my own and slide them into one of the bullcrap tradeshow badges lying around the office. I'll probably float my publisher off as "Dirty Jugs Review" or "Bad Hair Day Weekly".


- - -

Natz ... what a show that's going to be. This weekend it turned out Compton has a streak of human remaining in that cyborg frame - the machine hit a glitch, i guess. But, Gould was the only kitten with USA behind her backside that had the spunk to spank her. Nash is eurotrash only recently married to a high sierra hottie, so i don't think she's in the running. Simms is Grade-A Canadian Bacon - fine and tasty but out of our rankings. And I think Bessette is from Mars, or something. Anyway, Gould looks like the only one who's been consistently pulling hair with Katie the Great that can actually don the starsybars if Compton decides to derail again.

Thus far in the year - there has been a 2nd tier of racers all within striking distance of each other. I'm talkin' about NorCross fatales Kerlin and Lloyd, eurogurl Valdaramos, Mazzastar of the NorWest, Boulder babes Thomas and Barnholt, EastCoastBella Winfield, and IF's Bruno Royale.

All them chicks will duke it out for podium spots at Natz and ... call ups for the big show in Belgium. Damn ... that's some drama to unfold. And I'll be there with the camera, baby!

For the fratBoys ... I really think the weather gods are going to have huge say in who does the dashboard dance on top of that podium. You gotta worry about bigboned Treefarm in the deep muck or frozen tundra. If we're gauging pure engine ... who can beat that beauty? But, as Johnson showed last weekend - you can't email in your results. Sometimes, you gotta dig through the muck to find 'em.

Personally, I'm pullin' for egregia cum laude surferboy Wickets. That dude just always looks to be havin' the good time. Big goofy sumbitch.

- - -

But, when it all comes to the grill ... I'll be pulling full gas for the NorCross crew out there in Natzy land. All the age-groupers and Elite packers who spend the cash and float the bills to be out there ... just for the experience of it, the fun of it. Yeah, I'm hopin' Hoefer or Robinson win themselves another jersey ... but hell all what I really wanna do is just scream my lungs out and bang the bells sonic in support of the local cats as they mix it minxy style and show off our west coast flair.

it's on.


Anonymous said...

oooooooh Hernando, I love your dirty talk.

Keep it coming, more, more, that's it, you got it.

Anonymous said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. not goin full gas for sissy!

Chris said...

Press credentials? Two words: Hospitality tent.

Anonymous said...

i was hoping simms would podium but most aggressive rider is cool!

Anonymous said...

Two better words: Beer Tent!!!!

ali-la-pointe said...

journalism....the friday-night media thing last year had free food and an open bar...

Ippoc Amic said...

very cool...marscat and I are indie "press" nerders too...gotta say it is fun...

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

it was good for me, too, baby.

total sissification. but, i reckon there's a few more CX races left in me this winter. it's just that i get bored easily.

in your shadow, dog.

so true. Simms is class - one of the best. Here's hoping she gets big fun spread all over her morning toast.

beer tent?

now that IS hospitable. hell yeah.

them Frenchies haven't forgiven you, so i don't see why i should either.

... but, an open bar is a good start. so, start uncorkin'.

show off.

Little_Jewford said...

Mars = French Canada ... I'm lovin that math...

Velo Bella said...


sometimes he's really hot

ali-la-pointe said...

so will you be racing as well as scribbling? is where they had the media thing last year..stone walls, outside a buried river; a guy drinking at the bar told of how his dad, a RISD prof, used it as his painting studio years before..hopefully the media thing will again coincide with the conclusion of masters racing on Friday...

Chico Cyclist said...

Happy B-Day Olaf!!

Josh and Barb said...

Happy Birthday!!?? Is it OV's birthday?! Happy 47th, buddy!