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Friday, August 11, 2006

gawdamn eclectichick

bibliomancy (BIB-lee-o-man-see) noun

Divination by interpreting a passage picked at random from a book, especially from a religious book such as the Bible.

- - -

so, awhile back EclectaFemme had this post about picking up a book and flopping it open so it could tell you if your life means anything. I've been wanting to test out the fates for a while now .. but just haven't taken the time. Apparently, all you do is grab one of your favorite books and toss it open, letting the gods offer you the straight poop through random readin'.

that sounds cool.

So, i was thinking of maybe using one of my cherished books from Austen, or maybe Hugo ... hey, how about Sedaris?. But, all those lovelies are at home and today i decided it was high time to flush out my future so i'd just have to use whatever book at work i could find.

Ok, so let's see what's on my desk ...

- Contraceptive Technology (17th edition) ... mmm, better not. No need to tempt the supernaturals with any hints of procreations. i can't even feed the dog on time.

- HIV/AIDS Treatment Directory ... well, i can tell you that i really DON'T want to know myself better through that one. No way in hell i want anything in my future to run through that route.


- Effective Training in Reproductive Health: Africa ... jayzus, this is not looking good. i've got to have something better buried in this desk.

... oh wait ~ HERE we go:

- - - "The Dieter's Guide to Weight Loss During Sex" by Richard Smith.

well, hell yeah ... that'll do the trick!

.

OK, let's see how this bibliofancy works. Here are the step-by-step instructions:

1. Pick a book you trust a lot. (hmm ... not much more i trust than sexy weight loss)

2. Put it on its spine, and let it fall open. (damn ... it's too thin and old ~ I'll just have to stick my letter opener in there at a random place ... mmm, sticking my opener in there ...)

3. With your eyes closed, trace your finger to a passage. (easy enough)

4. Interpret the passage as your lifemap to the future. (finally!)

Lifemap to the future? all righty then, here we go:
During sex, a strong grip is needed for everything from extending a hearty handshake to pickup up fruit. It is especially vital for clinging to your partner should things get really good. For the woman who wants to win skirmishes or have her partner in her power during tickling sessions, a secure grip is essential.

i see my future before me ... and it fills me with great happiness.

thank you gods!

16 comments:

Chico Cyclist said...

Get a grip!!

That's luscious......

jAndy donka-donk said...

Acceptability of Electronic Assemblies

Landed on

"7.5.1 supported holes-axial leaded - horizontal"

bling finger found

"The entire body length of the component is in contact with board surface."

So I guess I continue to be lost, big surprise.......

PAB said...

wow...

as I was reading this post (and getting all hot by the way)...

...xbunny walks in the room and says 'ahem'. so I look over and there she is with her pants down and showing me her backside....

well, unfortunately, it was just so I could see her scrape/bruise from falling off her cross bike in the yard yesterday evening....

sigh.

X Bunny said...

somebody is in trubble....

and i already know about the strong grip for tickling....

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

now that's when you need the bunnycam.

VeloRainDog said...

the only book i happen to have at my desk right now is _The Chicago Manual of Style: 14th Edition_. and following the prescribed rules, i wound up with:

"In a few languages, such as Hungarian, the family name is normally given first, followed, without a comma, by the given name: Bartók Béla"

Not very inspiring, but it does allude to (point an accusatory finger at) some anal-retentive language issues.

Nome Agusta said...

The only book I have at the desk is Cal Trans Standard Plans.
I opened it, but all I got were diagrams showing me where to put things... and this note:
"All cones used for night lane closure shall be fitted with reflective sleeves as specified in the specifications."

Appearantly I need one of those glow in the dark condoms that PAB referred to the other day.

Reed Maxwell said...

"From expression (7.49), the Markov-derived autocovariance model shows a nugget effect the size of which increases with decreasing B-value. Therefore, the discontinuity at the origin of the soft autocovariance model is larger for rock type data the for Ni data."

Brent Chapman said...

I have to test this myself.

can I borrow that book?

Anonymous said...

From Sendmail, 2nd edition, O'Reilly and Assoc. (the "Bat" book): The bestmx map class looks up a hostname as the key and returns the current best MX record as the Value. Internally, a call is made to getmxrr() to get a list of MX records for the host.

I'm so screwed...

X Bunny said...

pab picked dune and used a spatula to pick a page

"if we can get 3% of the green plant elements on arakis involved in forming carbon compounds as foodstuffs, we've started the cyclic system"

i tried again with a wrinkle in time

"if they saw the children they gave no sign"

...i just don't think we're doing this right....

...can someone suck at bibliomancy?

Velo Bella said...

Don't you need to ask a question first?

Eclectchick said...

Whatever have I started?

(gesturing to heavens)

Ya buncha naughtypants.

;-D

the old bag said...

from Bicycles: Le Biciclette

Bicycle for Light Infantry Officers: Model 25, loaded with accessories: a saber holder, carbide lamp, bell, free wheel sprocket, horn, handlebar grips, tool bag, and Bowden-type rear brake.

I guess I best make room for one more in the garage....

PAB said...

can i gat a saber holder for my bike too?

pretty please??

Erein said...

You all sure do work in the wrong place. Bibliomancy should only be done at the library. ;)