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Monday, January 23, 2006


So, did some bikey-bike racing and riding this weekend (above 50degrees on the F-U-heit scale here in da' liveMo, CofA) - the season's introductory boy doggie sessions of smelling and measurement.

okay ...

anyway ~ me n' da PAB went down with bunnyX and la'Bella to the CalAggurt criterium for what turned out to be one hell of a spandexed-fistfight. holey-shyte ... over 70 riders in a 35+ race on Jan 21st? Somebody needs to put a stop to all that DVD cycling distribution. I think too many bikers have caught a sniff of PureSweetHell or Paolinetti's glam pedal-mentaries.

There are a LOT of bike riders out here fit, strong, and getting fast. All hell has broken loose.

... stupid Lance.

Reportage & Resluts = we goey 1 and a 2, with prolly 4 guys in the top 10.

yay for unSafeway.

Details and mad-scribblings = i got protested against for "sitting up in the sprint".

mmm ... me = off the front for last 2.5 laps,
field catches me with 20 meters to go,
I've had to push myself waaaayyyy too far into the red at this stupid crit
... a vision - the face of jesus in a rotating spinergy wheel ... wierd.

The Final 20 Meters : (song-like)

As i hear the snorting, pounding pack overtake me from behind in the final seconds of the race, i look to the right to see da PAB with the snot-ring in full clench. The boy stomped those last few strokes like somebody was due a spanking.

Him and Ma went top, next-top on the podium. I was so pleased that I threw my arm up in mad glee (resplendant in my NorCal skinsuit as the Champy ... oh yeah, bring dat gay shit ON!) in celebration of my teammates' excellent execution of a race (tactically) and final winning lead-out. This was good practice for us. We were challenged by an extremely strong and aggressive field. Saturday's 35+ crit was outstanding bike racing.

Well, somebody didn't like that i tossed up my arm and couldn't pedal another inch from asphyxiation. They went up to the authorities and got all protesty. I heard of it and let the Chief Reffes know that I'd take any penalty they liked and if I had done something wrong - it was an 'oopsy' on my part and not anything intentional or bad-meaning.

I mean come'on ... a clown in a Bear-suit raising up his anemic lil' biker-boy arm at the finish of a crit ON JANUARY 21ST is something to get all bent out of shape about?

'Sitting up in the sprint' ... 2.5 laps is one heck of a long sprint to hold. i guess i got tired.

Chico's EMC boys were quite, quite strong. me likey what me see-ey in a couple of their riders. Scheisse - there were a ton of very strong riders out there on Saturday (mental notes for future recruitement material). We unSafeWay boys had to bring out the big meat on this strong field to get a chance at winning.

Damn good race.

oh yeah ... then i did the p1/2/tres and a break of 7 or 8 of us went away for about the last 40 minutes. I tried to win, but it was ugly legs for me. A Davis Bike Club 15 year old rider put in an heroic bit of attack in the final 600 meters. It was beautiful. He crossed the line with time to throw up the hands in a salutey of celebration. That was pure fun.

SUNDAY, SUnDay, sunday ~ long training ride with a beautiful woman? ... priceless.



Chico Cyclist said...

Dude, great job out there! I heard the Fon man was on you like the whole race. Yeah, the racing is getting crazy - haven't seen it like this ever. Patterson next weekend???

X Bunny said...

was it windy in your neck of the woods or was it one of those inversion time warps thingees where it was calm in livemo & windy everywhere else?

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

bun ~ it was uber-windy, windy like the mill needed fighting.

... and you know how i feel in such scenarios.

so, i stuck msBella on my wheel, gave her the reins, and said, 'ride me, honey, ride me.'

masChico - you may consider me as being at any race you mention. i do them all. i need therapy.

Dan Cleary said...

OV kickin' it. Nice work.

If we can get some pics, we'll send you the goods on the Chilly Chili Ice Race. Now that's the right kind of Jan 21 racing there in ole' MN

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

cleary - you're a freak.

gimme high-res pics.


PAB said...

So, Ov, I recognized your call for help ("I need therapy") and got out my college psych book.

Indeed, your bicycle racing addiction is warped and unhealthy. But your VB addiction is so much the opposite, that I think the two cancel each other out.

You will be fine. Fine just fine.

Velo Bella said...

tit for tat

butt for butt

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

bad bella

Velo Bella said...


Olaf Vanderhoot said...

that's what we are, ain't it?

the old bag said...

man, makes me want to put on the racer-suit again...or maybe just head out and watch the introductory boy doggie sessions and spandexed-fistfights...

...warm in here....

great recap

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

gracias, ob.

Skibby said...

ov, how come you're the only dude without knee warmers? Showin off them hot legs? ;)

In Minnesota, there's about a month out of the year when you can pack away them bad boys...

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

i'd ride in a speedo if they'd let me.

ugh ... that's nasty on a stick, too.

... but, living in minnySOda lets you keep your soul, while the californicators sell it for the tanning booth toll.

- not a bad bargain, now that i think on it.

sun = warm = sexy lil kitten will be wearing her sports bra soon.


ginmtb said...

Protest for that? What a dumba$$. Stupid roadie.

Of course, I guess this could've happened:

le oops

Anonymous said...

Get use to it olaf the fon man cometh, and will take you down that dark loney rode that you have never seen before. hate drives him now! and the devil will have have his revenge.

BTW Wank is the perfect call sign for a self-anointed Kryptonian... Why didn't you lap the field twice since you ride 6000 hours each week?!? The NRC races are nowhere near Land Park in January.

P.S.: Is Bozo the Clown aware you're robbin' his closet for your skinsuits?