the rings of saturn
Time, slippery slope,
stairs descend
through gaseous gravity.
rise on heat,
scorn the engine,
accelerating to heavenly.
Then, crystal clear,
a run on the glass.
frictionless,
intolerably beautiful
stillness in movement.
run the glass.
what we have
yet choose not.
~
12 comments:
I saw the change
but this time it was aesthetic
no..you added
help me smooth out 3.
i need it to hit a harmonious smooth-ocity, yo.
but, there has to be a sense of movement ... travel, too.
stillness in movement ... how the fuk you paint that?
I dunno. I'm the visual one.
But it seems backwards. The stillness is what you see, but the movement is there. So wouldn't it be movement in stillness?
Can't help you on the smoothocity.
all right.
it's to the drawing board ... after.
~
if i'm not overstepping...
the word 'smoothest' isn't real smooth for me in that spot--'slick' or 'polished'?
maybe show your stillness in motion--use a word that is moving like 'locomotion' or 'navigation' or whatever and modify it with a non-moving adjective like 'motionless' 'immobile' 'inert' or something else/better
i make these comments feeling totally inadequate to do so--your meaning is your meaning and i may be on a different tangent
that is so bad ass.
i'll try it asap. gotta scoot at da momento.
~m
Oh, you people and your poetry.
You know what happens to poets, right?!
Sorry...
will have to check out your links, pab, when i'm not under big brother's eye, but very impressive hrefing all on your own!
just got to the links, pab
awesome!
but you are, of course, now on double secret probation
smooth as a baby's butt
successfully freaked me out.
~
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