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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

the rings of saturn

Time, slippery slope,
stairs descend
through gaseous gravity.

rise on heat,
scorn the engine,
accelerating to heavenly.

Then, crystal clear,
a run on the glass.
intolerably beautiful
stillness in movement.

run the glass.

what we have
yet choose not.


Velo Bella said...

I saw the change
but this time it was aesthetic

Velo Bella said... added

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

help me smooth out 3.

i need it to hit a harmonious smooth-ocity, yo.

but, there has to be a sense of movement ... travel, too.

stillness in movement ... how the fuk you paint that?

Velo Bella said...

I dunno. I'm the visual one.

But it seems backwards. The stillness is what you see, but the movement is there. So wouldn't it be movement in stillness?

Can't help you on the smoothocity.

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

all right.

it's to the drawing board ... after.

X Bunny said...

if i'm not overstepping...

the word 'smoothest' isn't real smooth for me in that spot--'slick' or 'polished'?

maybe show your stillness in motion--use a word that is moving like 'locomotion' or 'navigation' or whatever and modify it with a non-moving adjective like 'motionless' 'immobile' 'inert' or something else/better

i make these comments feeling totally inadequate to do so--your meaning is your meaning and i may be on a different tangent

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

that is so bad ass.

i'll try it asap. gotta scoot at da momento.

PAB said...

Oh, you people and your poetry.

You know what happens to poets, right?!


X Bunny said...

will have to check out your links, pab, when i'm not under big brother's eye, but very impressive hrefing all on your own!

X Bunny said...

just got to the links, pab


but you are, of course, now on double secret probation

X Bunny said...

smooth as a baby's butt

Olaf Vanderhoot said...

successfully freaked me out.