fine, don't believe me

i have a magic phone.

yeah, well up yours.

I do - this gawdamn phone is magic, or something.

I finally had to plug it in ... just in case someone called. Well, you have to leave a message ON the message machine, you dig? So, i had to speak into the little machine ... and i did it quietly ... cause my roommate might have heard .... "uh ... hi? ... say something after the noise."

beep.

and so, the very first frickin' night it was plugged in ... the fukkin thing had 4 messages from androids, or something. It was some wicked weird tin-crackle voice spurkling "this is NOT a sales call ...garble garble garble."

It goes all garble-garble because i start kicking the stupid little box. "Shut the..." - drop, bounce, bounce again.

Oh...sorry little boxie.

So then, i decided ... well, since there's only 1 person who has this number and ... since, i don't really care what some android thinks of my masculinity ... i started leaving these long, hesitating love poems to the one person who i hoped would call.

and, if some other schmo gets a wrong number ~ he can deal with his own hard-on.

Anyway, after I start leaving these long mAssages over the phone ~ all of sudden like, no more androids calling.

and here's where the magic starts ~ the phone never rings.

i shit you not.

i just hear my voice giving out the recording ...

i pick up the receiver ... 'hello?'

and it's her. Every damn time.

magic.