Jan 14th

"Lo, the beacon is lit!"

Where does 'strength' come from? What is it that we search for? Never could buy-in to waiting for Godot...never could find a thread of realism in Camus - but, perhaps that is because I never really risked anything before?

Perhaps it is because I never hoped for the best, crossed myself, and jumped headlong into the black abyss. Perhaps it is because I never had a faith so deep, so visceral - that when it was finally shattered...I was free begin my wait, begin my sad dissolve in to 'self.'

Whatever.

It's just life, after all. There is enough pain and horror in this world - why should my own self-doubt be added to it? Why should I consider my speck of consciousness to be worth more than a flea on the shit-covered ass of the sheep some venture capitalist drove past on the way home to his TV this afternoon? I have one decision to make - Do I want to live my life on my terms, or not?

An easy question to answer. You see, it's a choice...it's always a choice. I decide to be happy. I decide to make others around me feel good about themselves and what we can accomplish together. I decide to value friendship and honor and sacrifice.

I decide to build.