gone to norcalcyclingnews.com

it's how i roll ...

2008-01-11T12:15:00.000-08:00

And so ... late, as always.
-

This here blog is kaput ~ and thanks for the times. I'd hoped to post something poetic ... meaningly hallmark'ing the occassion. But, the winds already blew away that sand painting.

if you catch my drift.
-

Next Toy ~

If you want to read what i'm dinking with now, it's at norcalcyclingnews.com. The site will be just as it sounds ... whatevah.

i know ... ridicule.

Anyway, there'll be more graphics and widgets and RSSfeeds and blogrolls. It'll be chock full of almost-fresh content, and bad grammar, and and spammy hernandomediacroticraticdialectimadness in hopes of stealing you away from concentration ~ and maybe pissing away some of your time at work, or occasionally flaming it up with agro-anonymous comments.

anyway ...
-

2007 ... Year in Review

Best Team: PROMAN
It's a woman director of a UCI Trade Team. Hello? But overall, this team competed in every discipline of the bike in '07 ... and actually didn't get burned the FRACK out and wants to get even bigger next year.

Kudos to Nikki Cranmer and her ability to gather up great riders, great support, and hot looking kits.
-

Best Rider: Andy Jacques-Maynes
the dude broke bones, impaled tissues, destroyed traffic furniture.

he's like, bionic.

Coming back from TWO surgeries to repair his brokenocity ...

Coming back in a matter of WEEKS to nab a National Age Title and a 6th mutha-fukkin Place at Natz in the Elites.

there is no comparison.
-

Best Woman: Shelley Olds
unbelievable strides made by this young rider.

track, cross, road ... destroyer.

She fulfilled obligations to Anthony over at CalGiant Strawberries by hitting the big-name Cross races this year ... even while chasing the Olympic Track Dream to Beijing.

Everyone who watches this woman race ... enjoys it. She's smart, beautiful, can flip you off without a shrug, and rides her bike like it's the last thing left in the universe.

easy call.
-

Best Man: Ben Jacques-Maynes
This guy is faster in '08 than last year.

"Hello Tour of California, my name is JERSEY WEARER!"

Even the boytoys at VelosNooze were cool enough to name this guy America's Road Cyclist of the Year.

hell yes, he is.
-

Best Race:
Kern County Women's Stage Race ~ 35+

Wonderful battle between two big women's teams and a bunch of sparky individuals. I drove behind the stages as wheel support and had my heartrate higher than most of my crits last year.

Beautiful to watch and a race I'll go to for as long as it's held.

and I make no bones about saying ... Sabine winning that road race stage that ended on a grueling 2 mile climb ... made me so proud i about cried.

It wasn't that it was a win ... it was that their entire Velo Bella team worked in pro-level tactics, kept smiling every stage (even though they were all so bloody hard), and rode for each other ... full gas.

that is the best.
-

Best NorCal Prosey ~
Jared Barrilleux ... hands down.

This guy foamed at more races than o'Grady. He attacked when he didn't have to, when it was right to, when the crowds asked him to.

he's a true warrior on the bike ... just flinging himself at pain and danger.

my kind of guy. And, he signed up PRO for '08 ... so, right on, right on.
-

Best Time ~

today.
-

Thanks again for taking part in this little experiment. I'm going to have my next project up fairly soon (http://norcalcyclingnews.com/). Whether that will be worth a crap is yet to see.

but, graffiti just is, anyway ...

lates,
~michael

thank you, Mystery Bloggers

2008-01-01T21:42:00.000-08:00

after i recover from bradley dropping my ass like a bad acid trip ...

i'll toss out a final post.
-

in the meantime, a couple of pics de SanBruno (mas on the way) ~

it's way up there ...

and steep in some spots ...

and DFL-Squeezes sometimes pass you

and drop you at the finish ...

but, that's ok ... cuz it's beautiful

even if some bastiches taunt you like there's no tomorrow

and roadie scum show up to drop bombs on your booty

Good times.

You pussy!

2007-12-31T20:53:00.000-08:00

Alright, now that I've got your attention, let's talk about making realistic New Year's resolutions. You and I both know you aren't going to loose weight, ride more, watch less TV, eat more veggies, sleep more, sleep less, donate to charity, talk to your kids, etc. so don't set yourself up for failure by telling yourself that maybe this time it will be different.
It won't be.

But, there are some resolutions that are attainable. You can resolve to eat 2 servings of veggies a month, to watch no more than 10 hours of TV a day, to spend no more than 6 hours a day mindlessly surfing the interweb, to wash your bedsheets every 6 months, to shower at least once a month, brush your teeth once a week, call your parents once every two months or when you need $ or whichever comes first, etc. These are resolutions that are within your grasp.

Furthermore, if you are going to be spending a considerable percentage of your waking hours watching TV and/or surfing the interweb, you can also resolve to develop your vocabulary. In this spirit, I have taken the time to compile a list of words and phrases that I have collected in this past year. You may already be familiar with some of the following terms but treat this list not as a comprehensive, be all and end all list, but rather as a skeleton list with which to start your New Year off on.

ass hatchet
noun
Type of saddle that is particularly uncomfortable
see also 'beaver cleaver'

beaver cleaver
noun
Generally refers to a type of women's saddle that is particularly uncomfortable
see also 'ass hatchet'

BRIDE
acronym
Bicycle Racing Induced Disordered Eating, a disorder in which very restrictive eating habits and patterns are adopted in the name of bicycle racing. Believe it or not there is a difference between eating healthy and disordered eating.
Ex. Bob's got a horrible case of BRIDE. He'll only eat raw food that is vegan, wheat-free, shade grown, certified organic, fair trade, locally grown, and unprocessed. I think he can only eat at home, surrounded by his measuring cups and his gram scale, or at Cafe Gratitude.

brodeo
noun
Any gathering that is predominately male
See also 'sausage fest'

bromance
noun
An unusually strong attachment between two (supposedly) hetero men

carbon fibre
noun
type of material that is used in the construction of bicycles. Tomorrow's carbon fibre is significantly more laterally stiff, vertically compliant, and lighter than the carbon fiber of yesterday

duditude
Noun
Manner, disposition, or body posture that is aggressively and obnoxiously dudely

'frisco
Noun
Preferred abbreviation of San Francisco

fanny pack
noun
Bag that is worn around the waist. No, it is not called a hip pack, you fucking hipster turd nug, it's a fanny pack and if you don't have the cajones to call it what it is because it makes you think of a sweaty, bovine, balding midwestern man at the county fair then don't fucking wear one you pansy
Syn. man-purse
Ex. If Jackie Phelan rides with a fanny pack, there must be something to it!

fast
adjective
Describes a rider that is capable of dropping 90% of the population. Sometimes euphemistically used as a synonym for a BRIDEitis or 'rexie rider.

fixte
noun
Colloquial term for a fixed gear bicycle that originated in Novato
Syn. fixie

flesh fest
noun
Competitive event wherein competitors have to swim, bicycle, and run
syn. triathlon

"I used to be a runner"/"I ran in college/high school/etc."
idiom
Rider who is in the process of transitioning from cyclist to triathlete
Syn.'future triathlete'

laughing group
noun
Group of racers that compete for the title of "Lantern Rouge"

manscape
noun
a view or scene in which the predominate subject is a particularly attractive man or group of men
Ex. Say what you will about the evils of SlowCal; the manscapes of SlowCal are generally of higher quality then the manscapes of NorCal.

mantathalon
noun
Semi-competitive event that features several different masculine tasks. Often includes ball scratching, belching, beer guzzling, farting, etc.

Muppets
noun
Cult of athletes who are working collectively and successfully to dominate, destroy, and conquer every event that they enter. They should be considered armed and dangerous.

road bacon
noun
Colloquial term for the abrasions and injuries that a rider sustains when they crash
syn. road rash
related forms: bacon

sausage fest
noun
Any gathering that is predominately male
see also 'brodeo'
related forms: saus fest, SF

singlespeeder
noun
Describes a cyclist who rides a bike with one gear
Syn. Alcoholic, Stoner

SlowCal
noun
Abbreviation of Southern California
related form: SoCal

strong
adjective
Physically able to produce a large amount of power. Sometimes euphemistically used as a synonym for fat, sturdy, etc. when describing other riders.
Ex. Penelope sure is strong but she can't climb to save her life.

testacular
adjective
an event that is generally masculine in character (e.g. a pissing contest)
syn. mantastic

totes
abbreviation of totally
Ex. "Want to stop and get some coffee at Peets?" "Totes."

trots
noun
Exercise induced disorder that is characterized by the increased need to visit the bathroom

winter weight
noun
Weight that is gained at the end of the road racing season. Varies from 5 to 20lbs and is more common in the northern, colder latitudes. Provides additional cushion for 'cross racing.

wife pleaser
noun
Politically correct term for a white, sleeveless undershirt
syn. muscle shirt

WLB
acronym
Whiny Little Bitch, seen almost exclusively by the side of the road futzting with their saddle height, their cleat position, and/or their handlebars. Also found in bike shops on sunny weekend afternoons vocally describing their innumerable neurotic issues

I hope that this list serves you well and that you all have a happy new year.
Love and other stuff,
Ms. B. Hayven

a worth cause in 2008

2007-12-31T12:51:00.000-08:00

The organization, Cycles of Change, is located in Oakland and greater Alameda County. They work at after school programs doing youth development work in low-income communities. Projects that Cycles does include: earn-a-bike program; after school classes teaching bike mechanics, maintenance, and repair; organized group bike rides; and they have just begun a school garden program.

The program is in need of any old, used bike parts-- particularly mountain bike parts (as that is what the youth ride, middle school aged.) They also accept monetary donations.

There is further information about their programs and donations on their website.

If you have parts that you would like to donate you can give them to me (beth) at any time I see you this year and I will be happy to cart them to the East Bay if you don't live close to one of their drop-off points.

Happy New Year all! And thank you for letting me use this blog for this shameless plug.

What Hunicutt Said To Hawkeye

2007-12-31T11:18:00.001-08:00

See ya later, Olaf. Time to go back and dream it up all over again.

cgb

what a lovely mess

2007-12-31T11:14:00.000-08:00

I thought I was done blogging but someone annoyed me, and I’m in the mood for employing the one strategy to combat idiots other than just plain ignoring them. I’m going to try employing some reason. Boring! I know, I’m thinking again. Damnit.

Any old boy can stand in the middle of the street and shout and call it “expressing himself.” I’m expressing myself, I’m expressing myself, look at me! Now bending down to the ear of your friend and speaking in a clear voice and careful tone, that’s the impetus towards communication. Not to mention art, which is tuning intonation and structuring style to manifest a vision, with the ultimate aim of allowing the vision to speak for itself. The reason I’m mentioning all this is because it is important to recognize the difference between expression and communication, and the difference between criticism and intolerance. There should be an ethics of communication we refer to in order to mitigate the destructiveness of those who disregard reasoned criticism in favor of emotional rants.

Intolerance has its applications. What we should be intolerant of are attack dog sociopaths whose one goal is to gain the illusion of a few rungs advantage by bringing others down to their level. Their goal is to feel good about themselves. The problem is the means they choose to do it. It is unfortunate that there are so many examples of unreasoned attacks in the public discourse by supposed public intellectuals, for example O’Reilly, Limbaugh, Beck, Dobbs. The attack dog sociopaths criticize based on emotion, not merit, and make people afraid to believe in things by swinging fear, tapping into prejudices, and relishing in the joy of unleashed ego and squawking omnipotence. What it really is: an act to hide basic incompetence. Problem is this advantage comes from constantly talking, and dissipates when listening. Thus they talk a lot. They’re the loud ones. Unregulated arrogance. It is unpleasant to hear.

Criticism, as opposed to unreasoned dismissiveness, is a healthy thing and helps the cream of the crop surface in the marketplace of ideas. It is one of the strengths of our country. It is what the system of peer review is based on in the sciences. Theories, opinions and suppositions are supposed to be challenged to find any weaknesses, mal assumptions, or things that were overlooked. Criticism and reasoned argument can be the great strength of a blogging community, the means by which people learn things by connecting on the internet.

The difficulty is there are plenty of dismissive sociopaths trolling for prey on the internet as an outlet for their shouts and rants, their bursts of hurtful expression. An ethic of conduct to guide interactive forums on the internet would be a good addition to any blog. Anonymous sociopaths could be redirected to the code of ethics when they decide to chime in. I mean, lay the rules of conduct down to steer fruitful public discourse, so we can rest on our civilized laurels and don’t have to waste energy counteracting each new episode of mean spiritedness. You can also lay reasoned arguments next to the sociopath’s rant so that those on the fence of the continuum of expression-communication can have a clear choice to make. They can see the difference. Will they give in to their frustrations and lay down with mr. angry, or will they pick up their wand and try to fine tune it, choosing to believe we live in a progressive society? So you can lay down a reasoned argument to counteract the dangers of a rant (dangers being 1. it will find sympathy 2. it will discourage reasoned discourse by creating an emotional turbulence of fear and dislocation), but in the end, remember the limitations caused by the sociopath’s disregard for reason. From Jonathan Swift: “It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.”

I met an old friend of oV’s and we talked about oV’s blog, and this old friend said, “yeah, what a mess it is.” I said, yeah, but what a LOVELY mess. Most of the time that’s the way I feel.

Thanks for the mystery posts all. I am grateful for getting to post with you. Good luck in all your endeavors, peaceful warriors. Happy New Year, ~~lg

Romeo Is Bleeding

2007-12-31T11:05:00.000-08:00

cgb

When Nobody Knows Your Name

2007-12-31T09:41:00.000-08:00

They made no attempt to reenlist me. My four-year service ended after three years and 325 days.

Of the six or seven visits I made to the hospital in Germany, at least four were for bike injuries. Once I pulled my achilles pretty bad in a crash and couldn't walk uphill; a terrible thing on a hillside base.

Montana was a chaotic mess. The order of the service was replaced by terribly stupid hippies whose one talent in life was to make fun of smart people who liked to think and talk about things.

Solace was found in the selective cultivation, dessication, incineration and inhalation of various strains of a pernicious plant.

A philosophy was formed, leading to an ideology that remains, albeit personal and considerably impolite to pass on with any kind of impassioned voice, lest those terribly stupid hippies come back for their Dead tapes.

Some lessons were learned more selectively, and in parts of a forest primeval where other voices reign much more supreme. A hall of spirits who showed the river of emotion through which we all flow our lives. An antidote.

It lasts forever, this knowledge, but it is hard to share. Many only know the euphoria; the transcendence leaves them queasy. Their untwinned tonal/nagual spirits are unable to join and they only see the road in front of them.

Cynicism is easy. All you have to do is pull the trigger.

cgb

Yuri Chervochkin

2007-12-31T07:43:00.001-08:00

They followed him home.

He called his buddies to say it was the same four cops who had been harassing him for about a month or so.

He was an activist. He wanted to take part in something, to change his world.

Right or wrong, he wanted to put his voice into the larger chorus of the world, to be heard.

He wanted to exercise his rights.

Instead the neighbour found him in the street near the brick home he shared with his mother, his head caved in.

Doctors later said it was the work of baseball bats, and that at least two blows were landed with such precision as to act as kill-shots.

He would have turned 23 today.

cgb

Who Wants To Go To Rugby?

2007-12-31T06:59:00.001-08:00

"The owner of such an expensive machine is apt to be fussy."

cgb

No, New York is where I'd rather stay

2007-12-31T06:43:00.000-08:00

Almost a pound of meatloaf with a porcini mushroom demi-glaze, an equal amount of garlic mashed potatoes and boiled carrots sautéed in butter and brown sugar. That’s an undisciplined bike racer’s off-season lunch and the nadir of a months-long devolution.

Maintaining fitness gained through the racing season was going so well, in September. The sun was out. The local group rides were still going strong. I had the stamina to take reckless flyers off the front of the pack. The dream of being competitive in road races during the 2008 season was alive and well.

The fitness slide started in October. I have some crazy teammates – or from another perspective, dedicated teammates – whose idea of a fun weekend ride is four hours long with 7000 feet of climbing. They got off their bikes looking like they could go another four hours. I barely had enough strength left to push down on the gas pedal so I could get home and take a nap. Those guys are road racers. My dream had died. Fifty minute crits, here I come again.

By mid-November I was hemorrhaging fitness. Just maintaining enough of a base for early season crits was becoming questionable. I was at the crossroads. One direction required discipline. The other only needed a rationalization that come January I can train really well and get it all back. My high school football coach once screamed at me, “I got more damn discipline in my little finger than you have in your whole body.” Truer words were never hollered.

In December… well I suppose I’ve painted enough of a picture.

I’ve really grown as a person this off-season -- I mean beside the extra inch around the waistline. Since college it's seemed to me that by middle age a man should have acquired the skill to superbly mix at least one cocktail. After years of testing I think this off-season marks the year that I can finally say I'm an expert at pouring that grandpa cocktail, The Manhattan. Blend two ounces of whiskey, a capful each of sweet and dry vermouth and three dashes of bitters (I skip the fruit, but a cherry or a lemon twist work nicely).

If my football coach could only see me now. I'm pretty sure he'd cite his little fingernail rather than his entire little finger.

Crash and Burn, Return

2007-12-31T06:11:00.000-08:00

Why is it that most spam email reads like the lyrics to an REM song?

"surface. bomb to bring down a U.S. airplane. According to the part in discussions. In addition to this the potential

It was a mistake-filled game for both teams, with producers. The government funded service is formally equal protection, and, as Heaven does its rains, shower"

cgb

Thank You, Simone

2007-12-31T06:00:00.000-08:00

Al Qaeda released its latest video message this week, with leader Osama bin Laden laying out his year-end thoughts, as well as a top-10 list of films he saw in his cave in 2007.

“Of course the infidels are measuring out their tyrannical bile in equal doses to the oppressed people’s of the Earth. Little Bush and his illegally-elected cabal of Zionist-infiltrated murderers are responsible for a genocide against Islam; they are trying to pursue an unholy crusade for the materiel wealth under the sands of the holy lands. Nowhere in their history of torture and fascism is this more evident than in the substantially perverse education they impose upon their children.”

“#7 Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Young Ferris Bueller’s quest for freedom, however misbegotten in an infidel society, is a holy voyage to liberate himself and the world around him. To shake off the tyrannical bonds of a false god, to free his friends and peers, to expose the worship of material wealth in his society as an irreligious waste of time and heart.”

cgb

Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians

2007-12-31T05:34:00.000-08:00

Brian Setzer. Singer. Songwriter. Guitarist. Band leader. Teaches women's self defense at Hayward, CA, YWCA.

cgb

De Nuevo Empezar, Un Nuevo Viaje

2007-12-31T04:24:00.000-08:00

cgb

to anonymous, from anonymous

2007-12-30T19:07:00.000-08:00

What I am about to say is for the benefit of all blogkind.

First and foremost I would like to say publicly to every mystery blogger who has dedicated the theme of their post to "Hail to King Vanderhoot" (i.e. "Hernando is the mostest bestest blogger EVER and where will the world be without him and no one can compare and he is a legend and all you sniveling imitators will never amount to the wonderfuleriffic-ittude of the Great And Powerful Olaf"):

BARF.

SPARE ME.

GET A FRIGGIN' HOLD OF YOURSELF, YOU PUSSY!

Whew. Now that I got that out of the way, I can get to the real meat and juice of this little ditty, which is this: ANONYMOUS BLOG COMMENTERS ARE ASSHOLES.

Or, some of them are. Namely, the ones who like to leave "constructive criticism" in the way of phrases such as "You're a fucking dumbass!" and "Get a life, you fucktard!"

Hmph.

Don't get me wrong, I can shit-talk with the best of them, but one just has to wonder: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?! If you're so fine-freaking-tastic, then write a post of your own. And if you're going to be an arrogant jerk, you could at least identify yourself before doing so.

So anyway, for those bloggers who are less adept at responding to the loving words of their anonymous commenters, I have included below a fail-proof recipe for creating insulting phrases that one can use against your bloggery foes.

STEP 1: Select a kitchen appliance of your choice (sharp objects such as lemon zesters, cheese graters, and food processor blades work nicely for a start)

STEP 2: Choose an orfice of your opponent's body

STEP 3: Tell the anonymous commenter to shove the kitchen appliance up their bodily orfice.

And wha-la!

HOT or NOT: team kit year in review

2007-12-30T09:30:00.000-08:00

As 2007 will quickly be closing, it is a perfect time to do the 2007 team kit year in review: HOT or NOT.

Cycling clothing is inherently awkward: shorts with built in suspenders, pockets in the back of shirts that get stuffed and bulge out all weird, and zippers down the front on a shirt that has a stand-up collar. Team kit designers are not only challenged by the aforementioned design and material of cycling clothes, but then they must somehow put together a bunch of disperring corporate logos and slap them on strange places like shoulders, hip bones, tail bones, etc. These logos often have different colors, styles, and font types. Thus, putting these all together in an entire assembly that matches and looks pleasant is difficult to boot. On top of the difficult of sponsorship placement & matching, kit designers must make these all fit into a nice color scheme and design. On top of that, cyclists have differing body types, and making a kit that is flattering on both the climber and sprinter is another challenge.

While these are all challenges kit designers face, some do a much better job than others. Some kits are outright hideous, others tolerable, and the rare few- hot.

I decided to do a 2007 year in review of some local team kits, going on an up or down basis, HOT or NOT. Now, who am I to be saying whether things are hot or not? Well, I am the mystery blogger for December 30th. That means I can call your team "not hot" if I want. However, I will not claim to be the fashion guru, as in my everyday life I have terrible fashion sense. Some may disagree with me. Normally, I would say: "too bad. I am the mystery blogger on december 30th," but i like consensus all that hippy shity, so I have created a survey that you can fill out as you read this post. Open another window, vote, and I will post the results later in the day. [addendum: i tried to make a survey monkey survey, but it would only let me do 10 questions for free without upgrading, so no survey for you. please put your opinions in the comment section. sorry]

As I was doing some very techinical research on google, trying to determine whether kits were hot or not, I had so few "hots" that I had to lower my standards. [Lowering standards seems to be the theme of 2007.] I revised my critia, so that a large number of people wouldn't get bad self-esteem from this post.

What did I base things on? Well, I would like to say that I had some measuring stick, but I just kinda went with my gut. I looked for a few things: good complementary colors, appropriate font, how logos were placed, how things "tied in", and how different kits looked in action. This last piece was interesting, because some kits did not look good great while people were standing, but they looked good on the bike. Moreover, I held a different standard for different teams. For instance, I held some higher-level teams that have more money (and perhaps paid a designer) to a higher standard to some local clubs that may not even have sponsorships on their jersey.

AMD Masters
HOT.
The old farts know how to do it. AMD kits tie in very nicely; the royal blue and black look nice together and the sponsorship placement is not overbearing. Years and years on the bike not only make cut calves as can be seen on the left, but also result in a keen sense of bike kit fashion.

BBC
HOT.
While these kits could be a bit too patriotic for my taste, something about them works. They don't look that great when people are standing around, but in action, the dark blue and dark red create a commanding presence. Classy. The shorts are especially nice.

BPG/RH Villa
HOT.

Green and red? At first, I'd say blech as it seems like a bad Christmas card, but these jersey just look good. Really good. Maybe it is just this ultra-sexy picture and non-masters men's hot legs. But I think it is really the hats. Those hats are really hot. Actually, maybe it is just all the glamor shot pictures on this website that make these kits looks so good, but no, i actually think these are pretty hot kits.

Cal Giant
NOT.
Blech. Strawberries, I'm sorry, but these are hiddeous. That strawberry on the front looks dumb. The color looks terrible, it is just unattractive in general. A shame, because I think sponsoring a strawberry company, you could have made something really hot kits that was all red. These just look pretty cheesy.

Colavita
NOT.
This color scheme just sucks. There is way too much going on in this kit. Moreover, the font type stinks and I do not like where the sponsor's name is placed.

CRC Hill
NOT.
I realize that when you are sponsoring some real estate company that sells multi-million dollar estates, you are trying to look classy, but in your attempt to look so classy, you just look like one big sissy. Dude, you are wearing spandex, this is not high society. A thin and dainty font like Garamond or whatever it is makes the riders look feeble and weak. The font needs to be beefed up and some more creative use of colors is needed.

Davis Bike Club
NOT.
Please. This is just color overkill. That much of any color on a jersey would look stupid. Try some stripes or panels or something. Ugh.

Dolce Vita
HOT.
When I first saw this jersey, I thought "cursive font?" that is dumb. But, I think these kits are quite attractive. The navy, orange, and white are quite complementary. I think the kit designer did a fine job of placing lots of sponosrs and still tying in a theme. Well done. Plus, this is a cute picture.

Eagle Racing
NOT.
Lots of things can go on cycling jersies. Words, logos. Big pictures of eagles (or anything else for that matter) do not look good on a team kit. I will stick to my conviction that pictures are for commemorative jersies given out for completing a century, tour, or other such event...not for a team kit.

EMC/Vellum
NOT.
This is terrible. That speckled grey looks really stupid. Who thought the fade out was a good idea? And then that red? This has got to be one of the worst looking jersies in the NorCal peleton. I hear this team is changing sponosrs or something, so hopefully they will put some more care into designing this kit better.

Fremont Freewheelers
NOT.

This blue isn't royal blue it is aqua. And that is gross! Black and aqua paneling. This is not an acquarium. Plus, it appears the shorts are a different shade of blue. That is not good. I do not like these colors at all, and do not feel any design will improve such a terrible aqua.

ICCC
NOT.
This jersey isn't as terrible as some others (see above), but what pushed it to the not was thechecker board down the front. What's up with that? That is dumb. I know that cyclists race in circles a lot, but this is not the indy 500.

Left Coast
NOT.
Sorry left coast; this jersey had potential being that it was green and could have done something interesting, as there aren't many green teams. But it just ruined it with that neon green trim. Eww! What were they thinking? Moreover, this jersey automatically got a not hot for the picture on the landscape and biker. This looks like a jersey you get for completing a century, not a team kit. I do not like pictures on team kits.

Los Gatos
NOT.
I like red. I like yellow. But this red/yellow combo just doesn't do it. I think the overall design and triangle looks good; it is just the color scheme that is whack. They do a great job of putting lots of sponsors on the jersey in a logical fashion—I think if the color scheme was changed, this jersey might bump into the hot category.

Metromint
NOT.
I'm sorry, but I couldn't put polka dots in the "hot" category. Team kit designers can only design good looking team kits so long as the corporate sponsorship has a nice logo. The thing is, metromint has very nice looking products, a stellar website, and a great font type. I think if the polka dots were smaller—very tiny dots – instead of these big ones, that could be better. In addition, I don't like how the bibs tie into the jerseys.

Morgan Stanley
HOT.
Looking at this jersey standing still, I think it is pretty boring. But it looks good on the bike, and that is the most important. There is nothing outright bad about this jersey. It is simple, nice colors, nice paneling...and, good enough. Hot? Well, I said I was lowering my standards. The Morgan Stanley team kit is like the "40 yr old marriage pact" you make with your best friend.

NorCal Velo
HOT.
These look good. The colors go nicely together and the font is nice. I also think the jersey design is pretty solid. Nice short paneling also.

PenVelo
NOT.
There is nothing outright that I can think of why I don't like this jersey; I just don't. Something about it rubs me the wrong way…but nothing I can pinpoint. Perhaps it is the arcs on the jersey. The thing is, it isn't nearly in the same category as EMC/Vellum-- it is quite borderline, but I am getting tired and so am being more picky. Whatever, the peninsula is full of graphic computer designers; they should have something off the hook.

PROMAN

HOT.
This has got to be one of the best looking jersies. The baby blue looks great and the red just pops out so nicely in that cool font. I think the kit designer did a good job of placing everything and tying it together. Plus, these ladies just look like tough shit in this jersey when they are moving, and as gorgeous as anything on the podium. This jersey looks good both standing still and moving fast.

ProTech
NOT.
Yuck. Yeah, you'd think less is more with all this black, but this is just boring and there is nothing going on here. Some side panels are needed. Also, that big sun looks stupid. This logo should be tiny.

Roaring Mouse
NOT.
Not only is this yellow the most hideous shade of yellow, but it looks dorky with that font. I'd suggest changing the yellow to less orange and change the off-color to grey, and then make a better font.

Rock Lobster
NOT.
These are gross. Why would anyone think seafoam green was a good color? No. Pastels make people look weak. On principal I have to say this is an ugly kit.

San Jose Bike Club
HOT.
Props to SJBC. There is nothing special about these jersies, but I think they are pretty good club jersies, with nice side paneling. Nothing fancy; basic, simple, and good.

Safeway HOT.
These look good—the bright white letters on black really bring things out. It was also a way to tie together logos that otherwise wouldn't have matched.

Spine
NOT.
I don't know why, but I just don't like it. There are too many colors. The yellow and blue look silly together and there is too much white.

Squadra HOT.
This is one I would say I shouldn't like because of the yellow strip, but these actually look really good in action. I think the paneling and use of black accents is done extraordinarily well.

Team Oakland
HOT.
These look good. I like the coloring, minus that blue font in the middle with kaiser permemente. Something needs to be done about this. But, the orange and white works well, and the paneling design is aces.

Tibco
HOT.
This are very, very attractive jersies. The lettering looks good and the light color is very hot on these ladies.

Touchstone
NOT.
There isn't anything going on. It is so plain. The royal blue just sits there, blah. It just needs some sort of excitement, some sort of design, some panels, something.

Value Act
HOT.
These are great looking jersies. At first you might think red, white, & blue? But it doesn't matter- these are wonderfully designed and makes me think these ladies are even hotter! This is a perfect jersey to contrast with touchstones: same colors, but look at the superior use of accents and paneling, espectially on key areas like the their and biceps.

Vanderkitten
NOT.
I'm sorry, but a huge kitty on the front doesn't make me think I'll kick ass, regardless of the logo say. Or that pink plaid version kit, that is even worse. I think that looks silly. Why didn't you just make these jersies in baby tee's? I am traditionalist and I do not like big logos on the chest.

Velo Bella
NOT.
I just don't like pictures. Like above, a picture of girl riding a bike, much like a cat, doesn't seems to make for a hardcore jersey. I much prefer use of font and paneling for accents, not pictures.

Velo Girls
NOT.
No picture, but the hot pink is just so obtrusive it makes me think this is a junior high team.

VOS
NOT.
The font is just too much. I think that there needs to be more work on the paneling; it is too plain. This jersey attempted to do well, but I think it just came up short. More needs to be going on, especially on the front.

Webcor
HOT.
These are great looking jersies….but only on the women's team. I don't know why, but I think they look silly on men, but great on women. Perhaps the green is a smigen darker on the men's kits? Perhaps the big WEBCOR across the chest only looks good on breasts? I dunno, but this hot is only for YYs.

Disclaimer: I had glasses and braces until 8th grade; wore tapered leg jeans (before skinny jeans were cool) until 11th grade, was in the marching band, and owned enough Christmas sweatshirts made out of puffy paint that i could wear a different one to school for two weeks before Christmas.

This Race Report BrOUGHT To You By falafel meanderdew

2007-12-30T08:27:00.000-08:00

A spoof race report would be fun to try, but if there is one thing the mystery blogging has revealed, it is that the real thing is much preferable and of an impeccably better quality than the imitators’. It was nice too SEE this. oV was the beatles of the bicycling blogging bistro. I may be listening to old records for a long time….

Strengths are obvious but no analysis is complete without taking into account not only what has been said, but left unsaid. Like with any addict, Hernando has a huge blindspot, and his main one is a perception of how an inclusive community is tolerantly built. Now I’m not saying oV’s blog was meant to be anything more than a benevolent dictatorship, a cycling world with the greatest of philosopher kings. I’m suggesting that it is possible to create a better world (and a better microcosmic representation of “a world” with a blog) by moving beyond these limitations.

With a ring leader, everyone else becomes just a side show, and the art takes an egotistical bent. Contributors/participants on Hernando’s blog became like Ronnie Woods playing with Keith Richards, strumming fine tunes, but never fully welcomed in. Richards of course has to protect his genius, solitude, and belief systems that enable his inspiration. There may be no other way…but me being one who was once part of an experiment, I know what it feels like to be part of the show when it makes the directors light dazzling, and kept in a spare shed when the lights are off and the director is annotating script. Is it possible to do a big show, where the role players receive equal billing? Where the concept of possession and ownership shifts or is abandoned all together? Or will we continue to see a rigid, individualistic structure that breaks the creative verve into a billion tiny little pieces?

I’m saying if you’re looking for a show, check out the Stones, no doubt, but if you’re looking to be part of a show, you’re going to have to write your own music if the Stones remain the Stones. You may be introduced as an up and coming kick ass opening act, but it stops there because the Stones show is the Stones' show. By definition it is a protected original, and very, very exclusive. Even all the members appearing on stage don’t necessarily have a full part in it. So, will it be the same old Stones who will continue to play, or a new kind of band open to taking chances, risking old wounds, seeing everything without the drugs closing targeted doors of perception?

Whatever Vanderhoot plays next, I’d recommend checking out the show, going to the church of the big ring, rubbing elbows with the norcal-ese cycling agnostics, and enjoying the sweet, powerful, rewarding concentration of a good cycling product as it purrs by. I only urge that we be careful, in the bigger pictures of our lives, to examine pre-determined criteria for entry into our discernible world of acceptability, to make sure the walls that protect us are permeable enough to allow for constant infusions of good things. The thing that binds an irreducibly complex community is to find a way to fully include the ideas that most challenge the core beliefs. And still go on existing. That is strength.

Good-bye smiling Vanderhoot. I enjoyed and profited from your genius. Every time I play one of your old songs, I hear something new--lg

music

2007-12-30T06:17:00.000-08:00

Dancin'

2007-12-30T01:02:00.000-08:00

Is there anything more beautiful than a bicycle? It's a simple machine, yet with what other medium have we found so many ways to express the human spirit?

Creativity, discipline, rhythm, focus, strength, passion, determination, suffering, triumph, grace . . .

A simple machine, universally eloquent.

dear sabine

2007-12-29T15:50:00.001-08:00

will you marry me?

-hernando

You

2007-12-29T13:58:00.001-08:00

You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can't spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don't want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy's doing well. You're an idiot.

Yup.

2007-12-29T12:59:00.000-08:00

Todays video brought to you by Pento-Graham.

Resolutions

2007-12-29T10:09:00.000-08:00

Its that time of year when we reflect on our past doings and begin to plot our upcomings. Resolutions, do you make them? Keep them? Mostly they are generic about getting our shit together. Sure I could resolve to balance my checkbook. But really, I'll be lucky if I remember to write the correct year on the check for the first couple of months. I've had a checking account since I was 15, why would this be the year to change. Besides, I like my system of guestimate and hope for the best.

Ah, but this year will be different. I have a fool proof resolution. As I sat on the wharf watching the girls splash around in the warm, clear Kona waters, I overheard a middle aged guy say to his friend "remember how much fun it was to be that age", then they plunged off the wharf just like the girls.

Yeah, I do remember what is was like to be that age. I resolve, to not forget. Happy New Year, hope to see you all at a play date soon......kj

i belong to the World

2007-12-29T08:49:00.000-08:00

Our ownership society boggles my mind sometimes
We buy a 2nd home spiritual retreat
And a statue of a zen monk praying
There’s a big rush to get to it on the weekends and stock the fridge
We buy our way into a community with the universal money pass port
And decorate it with cold leather couches
Stock up the ammo shed in case the community outside fails
We buy securities but worry more
Purchase speed, youth, beauty, art, representations of power
And renounce shared endeavors, hope, and trust, can’t verify trust, case closed
Then wake up in the morning, our heads a vacuum
Emptiness is free, a naturally occurring vortex
We’ve purchased our lives at the expense of others
We bought out ourselves for fear
Perversely
Touching, isn’t it?
--da goat

2007-12-29T07:16:00.000-08:00

there’s still time

in between lunchervals
and the endless stream

of go-juice

for some sedaris

for shenaniganry,
for poetry --

the far away rumble of a coastal freeway. the stiff...

always the stiff
talk

of naughty parts
of exposing ePO'sers

KEITH OLBERMANN ranting
Kucinich

making me
got me

so horny.

but more later..

gotta pay back the man now.
stupid work giving me
a groin punch
work is just

sucking tailpipes

still, there will be time,
always time

for the sistahs.

for Naomi KlEIN
Emma Thompson
Sheila moon

stupid blogroller
gawdamn blogroller
blogroller isn't working

time for quiet contemplative thought

fuck this fucking fuckplate of a fuckball president.

always time,
always time for the queen

sabine

it's nice to be brown

- by fermin fit

Choice Words between motorists and cyclists

2007-12-28T18:27:00.000-08:00

How much did you pay for that thing?
Well, I didn’t actually pay for it, I used a credit card…it costs about 3,000.
You paid for 3,000 for that. You could get a used car for that price.
I know but this only weighs 16 pounds and runs on burritos.
(he removes his hat to scratch his balding head).

Hey excuse me Mr. Biker guy. Do you know where this here Mormon Lake is?
You’re looking at it. Its that 6 mile wide grassy depression right there (pointing). Sometimes its a lake, sometimes its swampy, sometimes its dry, it comes and goes depending on how much water falls out of the sky.
But the map says it is a lake, its painted blue and called Mormon Lake!
You’re not from Arizona are you? Did you see the big herd of elk grazing out in the middle of it?
No, where.
(30 minutes later they pass me again. They’re driving a loop around Mormon Lake, looking).

Where’d you ride from?
Flagstaff.
Flagstaff. That’s 35 miles from here. Maaann. Don’t your butt get sore?
No sir, these here shorts have a pad in them, and I use this chamois cream, like butter. It might help your bottom while you’re driving that four wheeler you’re towing there. You should try some.
(Man looks at wife. Wife looks straight ahead. He pulls away).

You ride your bike up here to Snowbowl ski resort?
Yup, I sure did.
Must be fun going down.
It is, but my favorite is going up.
Hmmm. (end of conversation)

When’s the last time it rained in Arizona?
I don’t know, I’ve only lived here 3 and a half years. --lg

from work

2007-12-28T08:46:00.000-08:00

Pakistan ~
---

Thanks for your kind words.

It is the gloomiest day in our history. I am really speechless. I and along with Rukhsana (my wife) were out for dinner at the time when the news broke about the assassination. We narrowly escaped from the riots. They were carrying guns, sticks and hitting people inhumanly. They put fire on the buildings and on the roads. When we escaped we had to drive by the fire. It was terrible. There was absolutely chaos in the city. I had never faced such scenes in my life. I can't explain to you.........

The current situation further affirms our faith to continue the work we are carrying out with more dedication and commitment. I have been pleading at various international platforms for the last three years of the desperate need to engage young people, especially those living in low-income communities in Pakistan. There is a youthquake in Pakistan.

Currently, Pakistan houses the largest number of youth in its history. These young people, if not involved, will continue to be a prescription for disaster. We are really sitting on a tickling time bomb. We have witnessed that so many young people in Pakistan have committed suicidal attacks during the last two years. The numbers of hopeless and helpless young people are increasing everyday in Pakistan. Unfortunately these figures are not lit on the billboards of the cities so that everyone can see it. I strongly believe that if we spend 20% of the amount we are spending on countering terrorism or dealing with terrorism to engage young people living in low-income communities, we would change the world. I believe the reason terrorism is growing in Pakistan, and also elsewhere, is because terrorists find it so easy to reach out to vulnerable young people and offer them things which are missing in their lives, such as a sense of purpose in life, an emotional bond with others, a sense of connection, an identity and a sense of usefulness.

I wish I could reach out to each and every young person in Pakistan in a flash and offer him or her an opportunity to transform themselves from victims to true leaders.

Once again thanks for reaching out to us at all these difficult times.

best,
Ali

---

VelOnion III

2007-12-28T08:42:00.000-08:00

Phelan Considering Interview with Maxim Magazine

World famous mountain bike racer and pioneer Jacquie Phelan has been asked to interview with Maxim Magazine for a "Women of Sport" series in Spring '08. Maxim editor Rod Little noted that he has been a huge fan of Phelan for years, and that she would be a perfect fit for the magazine. "With her recent Velonews site-of-the-day, her single-speed worlds write up in Dirt Rag and her even more impressive Nostra donna del fango calendar, Phelan is hot again," noted Little.

Phelan is considering Pt Reyes National Park as the photo shoot location. "I have always been fascinated by the movements of the Tule Elk, and would love to ride one. The flow, the momentum; it would be like a Mark Weir pump track", noted Phelan. When asked if she would award herself her prestigious golden testicle award for working with Maxim, Phelan paused briefly then said, "I think I will give myself two, as it will take balls to ride an elk."

-- Today's cycling news brought to you by Karl Rover

this woman = styled toughness

2007-12-28T06:22:00.000-08:00

from Barb Howe ~ queen of cool.
we wish her speedy recovery and many european delights during getwellnessing.

thank the buddha she was there and not here when she had a medical emergency.
~m
- - -

Hello everyone,

So I'm over in Belgium having a great racing campaign. The first weekend here I had three races in a row and finished 9th, 11th, and 10th and was feeling fantastic.

During the World Cup on the 26th I ruptured my right achilles tendon necessitating surgery. I hurt myself around 2pm and was in surgery before 6pm! They are quick around here and that was all without asking for an ID or insurance card or anything.

The surgery went well, my tendon had to be sewn back together and I'm in a cast and not allowed to weight the foot for two weeks. I should be able to swim in 3-4 weeks and get on an indoor bike some time after that. In 6-8 weeks I'll be in a walking cast and by 10 weeks will have one seriously atrophied skinny white little calf to show off.

Because I'm a very positive person I've been able to find the silver lining in this messed up situation........it now officially my off season and I'm in the country that has the best beer in the world. The chocolate, cheese and bread are pretty good too. I'm headed home on the third of January and until then I'm working on my euro crutch (aka gimpsticks) skills and keeping my foot elevated.

I hope everyone has safe and happy holidays and don't worry, I'll be back on the bike soon enough!!!

ciao,
barb

DS, Sheila Moon Athletic Apparel, LLC
Velo Bella-Kona Elite Cyclocross Team
-

2007 coolest team award

2007-12-27T22:15:00.000-08:00

fresnoakland. hands down.

hail to the donut king, tom the maker of the potato salad, and morgan. (i am probably missing more of you, but even though i don't remember all your names, you are still the coolest team on the west side of the mississippi.)

wow. the power of superlatives on hernando's blog is quite enlivening.

2 Mile Challenge

2007-12-27T15:42:00.000-08:00

I challenge you, but not to a duel.

The 2 Mile Challenge.

And this is rather akin to preaching to the choir, albeit behind a silly mask and to a decidedly unholy, irreverent motley crew, but I charge all of you with the holy mission to go out and convert the un-bicycled heathens to our two-wheeled ways so that someday we may all rejoice, two-wheeled and together, under blue skies and on friendly roads.

Love and other stuff,
Ms. B. Hayven

Taunting tigers

2007-12-27T12:27:00.000-08:00

Whether she was the hope for democracy in Pakistan, or one of the most corrupt leaders in southeast asia, she was one of the few female leaders in our modern world.

I'm going to go ride my mtb now.

~HGS

Tear it down

2007-12-27T12:17:00.000-08:00

Blogging is a hard thing to do. I’ve found looking at a good blog is like viewing the smoothest pros at the end of a long stage race effortlessly turning over their Sidis, snaking up the last turns of that climb seemingly free and easy. Oh but the suffering that went on inside! A good blogger doesn’t encumber the reader with any crap. That’s not to say good blogs are never disturbing. Artists will disturb you, because they work with truth, and truth can be disturbing. But they remain fun nonetheless, and clear. Hang up a little post, or several hundred of them, and other writers, fumbling for words, still find a few diggers to direct at yours. oV put up with that stuff day to day, and he was fair enough to allow anonymous comments. At least he attracted those sociopathic attitudes out of the closet and into the open. Just as when Rush Limbaugh actually writes something down and you hold it next to reasoned arguments created by people with dreams that go beyond trapping someone else’s thought in a corner, you can tell a showy, righteous grudge from what’s gutsy and real. When everybody has a voice, as is the case with the internet, the issue becomes more finding those who desire to make positive contributions, and editing out those who awkwardly peddle mean spiritedness to fill in the gaps.

I’ve done everything I could the last 24 hours to avoid writing the next post. First I hung up a youtube video (Erik Mongrain deserves it), then went out and did base intervals in freezing Flagstaff air (inspired by some oV cyclosophy regarding quality time on the bike vs. unstructured plain ole time), then volunteered to get up at 3am this morning to personally shuttle my friend down to Sky Harbor airport. But I couldn’t even find lasting comfort hiding in the shadow of a Saguaro. The only thing left to do is work on my resume, something I bounced off of with more aversion to than the effort it takes to work on this blog! For those of us that really enjoy blogging and want to be good, let’s remember that oV has been working to relate the cycling thing by the writing thing for maybe close to ten years? Something like that. And we know his subconscious has been recording stories since his legs itched and twitched. Most importantly, he has as much verbal water in his well as the Ogallala aquifer. Stuff to say. Pump it out. He’s a category 1 blogger with master’s wisdom and still no gray hairs? Damn you, jealousy…hmm, in consolation I know if your blogs are true at least my x-rays are cleaner. Plus I saw what was in that one feed bottle you took back in Copperopolis in 2004. Whoa. Hernando, don’t! But you were already attacking up the hill…(at this writing my own addiction to cycling has overcome any such consequences).

Why in the hell would anybody crack at someone for trying to write a blog? Reminds me of yokels sticking their heads out truck windows, leaning down with gravity to counteract that six inch lift, to call cyclists dorks. Yup. So what I’m a dork? We get used to it and don’t let it get in the way of what we’re trying to accomplish. Best effort is all we are looking for. Improvements, SURELY, will come. We and those around us will find good reasons to cheer. --lg

to waste your time, p2

2007-12-27T11:23:00.000-08:00

While were’ on the topic of confessions,

Here’s a story about one time, when I worked for the government.

My day went something like this.

I woke up whenever I felt like it. I sauntered into the office, where I worked with four other people. These people were all real employees, with business cards and information on the webpage and name tags and private offices and all that good stuff. My job wasn’t like that.

My desk was nestled between the front door and the microwave. When I got into work, I would get straight to work by making hot water in the microwave. Then I would sit at my desk steeping hot tea, usually green, and watch as the little swirlies of tea sunk to the bottom of the hot water. Then I would check my work email, respond to any phone messages, and finish up any requests from the Boss. That all took about 15 minutes.

At this point I might go to the bathroom and sit on the pot sending text messages.

Then I might while away a couple hours alternating between e-mail and blogger. It worked nicely. In the time it takes to write a good blog post, you can usually scrape a few e-mails into the inbox. In the time it takes to respond to those I could usually count on some fellow bored-at-work types to post some interesting blog shit. It’s a convenient little cycle.

If there were any big races going on I might bring up the cyclingnews live coverage and refresh the page every two or three minutes – this makes the email/blogger cycle more complex but still manageable.

I would usually blog into a Microsoft Word document and then cut and paste later. That way it looked like I was actually working.

Sometimes I might spread some papers out on my desk and then pretend to be deep in thoughtful reading while I was really just napping with my eyes open.

At lunch time I would sit at my desk eating “and working”, but really I was just eating.

After lunch I would go wash my dishes. I took my time - you know, to make sure the dishes got really clean.

I might take it upon myself to take out the trash. I might sit out by the dumpster and talk on my cell phone for a little bit.

I would usually check my work email again in the afternoon. My inbox was always empty.

I would leave after four hours and thirty-one minutes. I might round up to five hours.

Let me tell you about my coworkers.

The secretary hated her job and wasn’t afraid to let everyone on the planet know it. I liked her, because she was good for bitch sessions when no one else was in the office. She knew all the ins-and-outs and loopholes and problems and gossip of the agency and had no intention to keep it to herself. She spent most of her time on the clock looking for a new job.

The new girl was fresh out of college and had that I’m-Professional-but-still-a-Hottie look going on. She wore designer clothes and heels (and was still 5’1”) and always had perfect hair and nails and gobs and gobs of make-up. (Who the hell has time for that???) She spent most of her time on the clock chatting with her friends on instant messenger and shopping online. Sometimes she planned imaginary vacations too.

The old guy had worked there since the stone age and made sure everyone knew it (“Well I’ve been working here for FORTY years, and…”) He was frumpy and balding with a little potbelly and hunched back. His favorite things to talk about were cooking (he claimed to be a great chef, even though his lunches always smelled like CRAP) and his girlfriend, who I am convinced was imaginary. He enjoyed frequently getting his panties all in a bundle over nothing, turning eight shades of florescent pink and screaming (yes, SCREAMING) at all of us to FUCK OFF! and then slamming his office door in fury. One time after one of his temper tantrums I quietly opened his office door to find him sitting at his desk writing an email to a friend about some casserole he was planning to make. Fuck off, indeed.

The Boss was a middle-aged motherly type who had an incredible knack for being completely oblivious to everything going on in the office. She would often come out of her office to announce “I have an important phone meeting, please don’t bother me” and then disappear into her office and close the door. You could usually bank on hearing her end of the “phone meeting” radiating through the door a couple minutes later, and it usually went something like this: “John! (name of husband) John! No, don’t you dare! Don’t you do that, John! I need to pick the girls up from school and… John! JOHN! God dammit, John! JOHN!” And then she would come storming out of her office and bark to us “I’ll be back in a few hours” and speed away in her shiny SUV.

This is what your tax dollars are being spent on. Pretty typical, I think.

Coffee Break Confessions

2007-12-27T10:16:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wash bike clothes in warm water - sometimes even in hot water. And then I put them in the dryer.

Sometimes when I’m riding my road bike, I stick my tongue out at other riders and it all depends on how they’re dressed. Usually it’s at posers all kitted up who think they’re too cool to wave. I never do it to women.

When I was in high school I used to babysit for this really annoying family. They were friends with my mom. The kids were obnoxious. Sometimes when the 2 year old wouldn’t take her nap in her crib, I’d squirt milk in her face from her bottle. It always made her stop crying. This is the reason I never left my kids with a nanny – I figured if I, a nice suburban teenager, was mean enough to squirt milk in the face of a 2 year old, then there were others who would do worse.

Sometimes I throw away my children's drawings. I keep the best, but in secret I throw out a lot. I stuff them down at the bottom of the recycling container so no one can see.

Sometimes I put the dishes in the dishwasher without rinsing them (sometimes I have to leave them in for a second and third washing).

Sometimes I sneak out of work for a 2 hour bike ride at lunch.

Sometimes I say I’m working from home, but in reality I’m gardening. I put the laptop in the yard with the volume turned way up and every time someone instant messages me, I walk over and respond.

Sometimes I pretend I'm asleep at 2am when one of the kids is calling for a parent. If I lay there for a few minutes, my husband will get up instead. Of course, if they're barfing there’s a better chance that I might get up.

Sometimes I go for leisurely bike rides on my race wheels without telling my husband.

Sometimes I make my kids wear their clothes for a second day in a row so that I don’t have to do the laundry that night.

Sometimes I lie about my age.

Sometimes I pretend I don't see my next door neighbor at Peets, so I don't end up in an hour long conversation about who's cutting what trees down and why so and so is doing you know what and how their uncle Harry has prostate cancer.

Two of my most favorite shows are Jackass and America’s Funniest Videos. (I'm a 40 year old mom of two.)

Sometimes I imagine scenarios where I slap my boss across the face multiple times. I dispise my boss and sometimes it's hard to pretend otherwise, so I just ignore her.

Once I looked out my front window and saw a neighbor's contractor watering their front yard... naked. I went and got my glasses so I could get a better look at him.

Sometimes I tell my children to SHUT UP! And I do it out loud, not in my head. I've done it a few times in the heat of the moment.

Once I introduced an acquaintance to my husband as my husband. I thought he was cute, we'd been talking for quite some time at a party and when my husband walked over I said Husband, this is my husband Brian. We all laughed and I turned red.

Sometimes I eat hotpockets for lunch.

Sometimes I secretly give away toys from my kid's playroom. I collect them in a big bag and take them down to goodwill (we have too much stuff and waay too many toys). Sometimes they sit in my trunk for a few weeks, and every time I open my trunk they ask, why is so in so in the trunk?!! And I lie and say, I'm bringing them to the cleaners to be cleaned and fixed!

Sometimes I pretend to listen.

Sometimes I stand inside the food closet by myself with the door closed and eat the last brownie or the last chocolate chip cookie or the last piece of chocolate.

Most times I'm late to pick up my kids from school and it's because I've been out riding, but I pretend that it's because I had a very important meeting at work.

to waste your time

2007-12-26T15:07:00.000-08:00

Mystery Blogging: I feel like I've hacked into the CIA or something.

Temptations abound: I could fuck with Hernandizzle's masterpieces like there's no tomorrow (and without these little gems of illogical blabbering, would there really be a tomorrow?) I could change the color schemes (pastel pink and magenta will do nicely, I think), fiddle with his profile (55-year-old Republican from Little Rock, Arkansas), and delete all his favorite posts and replace them with real works of genius ("How to Kill a Cat: 3 Tried and True Steps" and "How to Fist a Porn Star's Pussy: My First'hand' Experience").

Nah.

If you think about it, Sir Olaf Whatever-he's-calling-himself-these-days is a pretty sneaky cat himself. I mean, no one reads blogs between Christmas and New Year's anyway. People read blogs when they are at work on Monday mornings drinking coffee and procrastinating the day away. Or they read blogs when they are at work on Friday afternoons watching the minutes tick by between 4:45 and 5:00pm. People don't read blogs in between eggnog and champagne hangovers.

...do they?

So you see that handing the bloggerins over to the masses isn't such a risk after all. (And after 1,456 posts, wouldn't you be anxious to get the frickin' load off your paws too?) It's a nice little idea, really. Peeps can chime in endlessly posting about whatever they please, not even leaving the latest post up long enough for an internet-mongering blog-fool to notice, and certain dudes (I won't name names - after all this is a mystery post!) can use the forum as a soap box for Political Serious Talk and other such things-one-might-like-to-preach-to-the-masses-but-nobody-really-gives-a-hoot-about-type-thingies.

Or something.

Anyway I couldn't think of one goddamn thing that I could post here that people might give a hoot about, so I'll just leave you with this instead:

I really did run across a "How to Fist a Pornstar" article some time back. For the life of me I can't remember how I came across it, or why I actually read it the whole way through, but if I ever get in a situation where I would need to... well, you know... not that I would ever want to, but... it's comforting to know that I'd know how to do so properly.

-- not hernando

Letting the tide move it down

2007-12-26T12:17:00.000-08:00

While we wait for Mavericks....

~HGS

Educated Fleas Do It

2007-12-26T10:45:00.001-08:00

On The Couch, A Christmas Tale

2007-12-26T08:31:00.000-08:00

One time on Christmas Eve when I was around 11 or 12, I decided I’d sleep downstairs on the couch and wait for Santa to come. I’d lie in wait and then while he was distributing the gifts I’d sneak a peek and figure out once and for all if he was indeed real or a fake and maybe even jump up and surprise him or something.

For a few years my friends had been telling me that he wasn’t real. But I still held out hope. And besides, even if he wasn’t real, I figured that “pretending” he was real around my parents would at least get me a few more years of extra presents from him. So really, I had nothing to lose.

But also, deep down, I wanted to believe in miracles and magic and fairies and the Easter bunny and stuff like that for as long as I could. The world just seemed like a better place with Santa looking out for me. So my plan made perfect sense. Sleeping down on the couch would either prove that life was as magical as I’d wished for it to be or it would confirm what my friends had been telling me for years – and secure the dread of broken secrets that I’d been feeling of late, growing up as a 12 year old girl in suburbia.

A few weeks prior to Christmas I spent some time sneaking around upstairs in my mom’s closets, finding secret presents not yet wrapped, but neatly stashed away. I figured I could also prove my theory of his existence by whether or not Santa or my parents gave me these presents. It was a good back up plan. Either way, I would find out the ultimate truth that year.

On Christmas Eve, my parents left the three of us alone in the house for a few hours while they went next door for a cocktail party. We spent some time on the couch watching festive movies and around 10pm or so set out the milk and cookies and went upstairs to go to sleep. We were all anxious for Santa to come.

The plan was to lie in bed for a while and wait for my parents to come home and go to sleep and then I’d sneak downstairs and wait.

But of course, I fell right to sleep.

I woke up a few hours later to some loud noises downstairs and decided I’d sneak down and catch Santa in the act right then. All that noise must have been him tying to get into the house. And so I snuck, ever so quietly and slowly, down the stairs.

I could see some sort of mayhem as I rounded the corner – stuff was laying everywhere. Wrapping was strewn about, a guinea pig in a cage, a big wheel half built, a bike on its side, skates without laces, hula-hoops and ribbon flung everywhere. But worst of all was that the glass of milk we'd put out for Santa was tipped over with all the milk spilled next to it. And his cookies were half eaten. And nothing at all was wrapped yet. It was a mess.

Over towards the fireplace there were various pieces of clothing items that looked to be similar to my mom’s in a few piles on the floor. As I eased closer, I saw some empty beer bottles, a wine glass tipped over on the floor and an ash tray and some dirty socks flung on the bottom branches of the tree. What the hell had happened? I thought. Was Santa drunk or something? And why were my mom’s clothes everywhere?

And then I saw them.

On the couch.

Naked parents on the couch moving around a lot making their grunting noises.

Jesus Christ, I moaned to myself. Here I am, trying to keep the magic alive for myself and figure out life and Santa and what do I find but my drunken ass parents, screwing on our living room couch.

And so I backed up and shuffled back upstairs into my room and slunk back into my bed. And I lay there, grumbling to myself about how they’d messed up everything and how I wouldn’t be able to see the real Santa again for at least another year, if indeed he even WAS real.

The next morning, after spending about half an hour jumping on my mom and dad’s bed trying to wake them from their Christmas Eve splendor we finally all made our way downstairs. And to my surprise everything was neatly wrapped and organized and the beer bottles and cigarettes and wine glasses and underwears and socks from the previous night were nowhere in sight.

And the first gift I opened that year was from Santa and it was the red shiny cassette player I’d seen up in my mom’s closet just the week before. It had been tucked behind the light bright that my brother had just finished opening.

Happy New Year everyone, love from Ms. mystery blogger, Meatloaf.

talent + joy + refinement = fun to the third power

2007-12-26T07:55:00.000-08:00

Here’s to all the nonconformists, original talents, unafraid to hang it out there and try for a break through.

The awkward reality of talent is that: “It does not belong to its possessor. Its possessor belongs to it, and can find freedom only by accepting that he is a slave” (Clive James from Cultural Amnesia).

May we all have the fortune to recognize what we are good at, and the freedom to slavishly pursue it. The journey is the thing. No end in sight. --lg

never was fixed

2007-12-26T05:32:00.000-08:00

a 17 year old girl with recurring leukemia died the night her damnable insurance company finally approved her emergency liver transplant insurance coverage.

the insurance conglomerate denied her coverage of the liver transplant because it "does not cover experimental, investigational and unproven services" ...

they denied her the liver transplant.

Dec 11 - CIGNA refuses doctor requested coverage

Dec 14 - healthy liver becomes available, but because CIGNA had refused authorization, the family had to make an immediate down payment of $75,000 for the surgery ...

they couldn't afford it.

[an unexpected and torrential public outcry ensues over this refusal for a doctor requested procedure ... thanks interwebs]

Dec 20 - CIGNA relents and approves the procedure.

... a few hours later, Nataline Sarkisyan dies

“Every politician who thinks the answer to our healthcare crisis is more insurance should stop and think about Nataline Sarkisyan,” said DeMoro. “Insurance is not care. Paying for insurance coverage is not the same as assuring you will receive appropriate care, even when recommended by a physician as it was for Nataline. Insurance corporations profit by denying care to the sick, and that is no way to run a humane healthcare system.”

If it wasn't for me, I'd do brilliantly

2007-12-25T17:04:00.000-08:00

“Great writers supply us with the strengths to measure their weaknesses; but the latter are always there, to generate the air through which the dove flies, dreaming of freedom.” --Clive James, Cultural Amnesia

Today I give thanks to good st. olaf, who took it upon himself to make some sense of his life through cycling on behalf of all those deprived of the opportunity. oV’s blog seems to be informed by the awareness generated from ‘an inner light produced by all the aspects of life illuminating one another, in a honeycomb of understanding.’ The fruit of his endeavor is we have learned a lot about cycling and ourselves.

I'm just a-sharin' my thoughts here, that's all. ...and, they continually go under refinement
--OV 12.09.05

Though he had a questionable taste for road cycling, and an even more questionable taste for cyclocross, he did not withhold his attention when he discovered the party-like atmosphere of track racing. He loves it all, but is compelled to improve and continually test himself and the sport. For over two years, oV’s blog has relentlessly attacked the make-up of cycling to see what could be proven, discovered, discarded and created. With his prolific postings, oV laid down his creative impulses, forming high quality written product, not so bad for a seat of the pants kind of guy with a regular job and 100+ races a year to do. Using technology to have an advantage from the isolated world of the novelist, oV created a blog around which a community coalesced. oV led with a carnivorous curiosity and enthusiasm that only increased the variety of the cycling world, never diminishing.

If there's one thing i like to do ... it's attack. –OV 12.22.05

oV's blog was not a small task at all, but a big project, sewing together snippets of cycling and life with such a strong cohesive force that the blog became a living affirmation of a stream of passion that runs through all cyclists. It was this continuous stream we all tuned in for, looking for a drink of water, or simply to enjoy the shimmer and play. On July 24, 2007—the day Vino’s wine was found to be closer to brandy—93 comments were posted on Vanderhoot. Regulars were checking in and freaking out: “what did I miss” happening on this blog?! The blog had become part of the cycling community, as much an aspect of community and communication as it was a mechanism for. News itself. A daily confirmation. A sensation of the underlying force. That’s why I tuned in. It was not just me, there have been lots and lots of thirsty people.

Lunch rides have always been my favorites. –OV

Adding to the news and facts and sweaty details, oV wrote extended commentaries and stories that tenuously connected daily happenings with long-playing acts in the dramas of our lives. He tried to see how each part of life effected cycling, and one of the things suggested is that if you are to get everything you can out of the sport of cycling, you’ve got to pour everything you’ve got into it.

Me thinks I needs some lard in my beans, vegetarian or not. --OV

Un-sacredness. He will keep no shrine. The words stand for the process, and we don’t have to hold on to anything so tight that we forget someday we’ll be letting go. Even the blog can go. It wasn’t the point itself, it was evidence of the thing itself, smoke from the great fire. The embers still glow orange red. The play of passion is the conscience turning circles.

“The reason we go on thinking is because of a feeling. We have to keep that feeling pure if we can, and, if we ever lose it, try to get it back.” --Clive James, Cultural Amnesia

---

Mystery Blogger’s note: this is the first installment in a series of posts reflecting on Vanderhoot and his blog. If I quoted and borrowed from Clive James too much, I can’t help it because it is what I’m reading and I’m doing this on short notice. Plus, everything is in there. --Loftygoat

hi guys!

2007-12-25T14:29:00.000-08:00

merry holidays and happy consumerMass, everyone.

as many of you might have guessed ... i'm not a 'birth of jeesus' kind of hombre. i've taken myself out of that celestial equation by signing the dotted line offered in exchange for some shiny baubles and a few long-living tan-lines.

However, this year has been the best holiday season i've ever come across.

Sabine got me a nice geetar, we've gone on hours of easy-killin' bike rides, and the food has been ... eggyfatfilledhotchocolateness.

perfecto.
-

thanks again for the mystery bloggings ... we've still got a week of new ones coming in, folks.

get ready for it.
-

New Site ... yes, there will be a new site coming for 2008. I'll link to it from here, and the vandershyte site will stay up ... just static after 1/1/08.
-

good riding/eating/sleeping with someone to you all for these end of days to '07.
~m

Stop this war now........

2007-12-25T07:14:00.000-08:00

NO not Iraq, yes we need to end the American domination of foreign lands but the real war is personal.

Its the spiritual war of the individual that is responsible for all evil.

Fix thyself and the world will follow.

Social responsibility is great but personal responsibility by all rights the world and ends this ride of devilish proportions we have let our leaders take us on.
The real war ends with ME and YOU......nothing more.

Merry Christmas

~The Red Baron~

VelOnion II

2007-12-24T10:12:00.000-08:00

Swobo Poster Child Finds Jesus

For many years, Swobo front man "Stevil" has led a wild life filled with cycling antics, tatoos and heavy metal debauchery. Those days have apparently come to end as the result of a seemingly innocent bike crash this past weekend.

Stevil was out riding with friends when he apparently crashed over a small log on a trail near Scotts Valley, California. Per Stevil, "I was just laying there in some poison oak when my good friend Fat Ass crashed over the same log and landed on top of me." Due to the shear mass involved in the impact, Stevil was briefly knocked unconscious.

Stevil continued, "When I awoke the first thing I felt, other than Fat Ass laying on me, was an overwhelming sense of calm and peace. At that exact moment I saw The Face of Jesus on the poison oak leaf directly in front of my face. Maybe it was the oxygen deprivation, but the Good Lord chose that moment to make an appearance."

Since that fateful ride Stevil has initiated major lifestyle changes starting with the change in his name to "Goodness" and changing the title of his blog to "How to Avoid Eternal Damnation in Hell". Tim Parr, the leader of Swobo, noted, "I don't care if Stevil, I mean Goodness, worships the Flying Spaghetti Monster, as long as his blog is funny and he keeps moving product."

--Today's cycling news brought to you by Karl Rover

they got one right

2007-12-24T08:14:00.001-08:00

Christmas in Amerika

2007-12-24T07:55:00.000-08:00

Woke up to the sounds of Bloomberg within an instant this image exploded into my head.

IF Jesus the son of god were to see this.......well I think he's soil himself.

Love thy neighbor, not his judgment

~The Red Baron~

Merry Christmas

2007-12-24T07:34:00.000-08:00

Peace on Earth and all that

~The Red Baron~

VelOnion

2007-12-23T20:24:00.000-08:00

Local Racer Wins 8 of 10 at CCCX DH #7

Racers were treated to beautiful, sunny weather this past weekend in Monterey. Local racer and promoter Keith DeFiebre took advantage of the clear skies to have a day of a lifetime by winning 8 of 10 events in the always competitive downhill series.

After posting victories in Mens Pro, Singlespeed, Hardtail and Chainless, the racer of day then proceeded to win Flat Front Tire, Two Flat Tires, Recumbent and the hypercompetitive Touring Bike with Bob Trailer. DeFiebre noted, "I have been really struggling in the Touring Bike category, but I experimented with my slides through the corners, and it really paid off."

DeFiebre typically wins several events, but he felt that this was a day of a lifetime. He noted, "If I was a girl, or sixteen, I could have swept all 10 events, but I have my limitations." We may never see a performance like this again.

Results:
MENS PRO
1. Keith DeFibre, 5:35
2. Sam Hill, 5:43
3. Shawn Palmer, 5:48

WOMEN'S PRO
1. Rachael Atherton, 6:01
2. Missy Giove, 6:03
3. Anne Caroline-Chasson, 6:09

JUNIORS
1. Brendan Fairclough, 5:38
2. J.D. Swanguen, 5:46
3. Luke Strobel, 5:52

SINGLESPEED
1. Keith DeFiebre, 5:52
2. Mark LaLonde, 5:57
3. Travis Brown, 5:58

HARDTAIL
1. Keith DeFiebre, 6:22
2. Thomas Vanderham, 6:24
3. Darren Berrecloth, 6:27

CHAINLESS
1. Keith DeFiebre, 6:43
2. Gary Fisher, 6:52
3. Keith Bontrager, 6:58

FLAT FRONT TIRE
1. Keith DeFiebre, 7:12
2. Floyd Landis, 7:22
3. Dave Wiens, 7:32

TWO FLAT TIRES
1. Keith DeFiebre, 7:42
2. John Tomac, 7:43
3. Adam Craig, 7:52

RECUMBENT
1. Keith DeFiebre, 8:10
2. Bob Roll, 8:12
3. Gavin Newsome, 8:32

TOURING BIKE WITH BOB TRAILER
1. Keith DeFiebre, 7:52
2. Steve Peat, 7:54
3. Greg Minnar, 7:55

--- Today's Cycling News brought to you by Karl Rover

hello there, endurance

2007-12-23T17:26:00.000-08:00

happy end of days
to 2007

break it

2007-12-22T19:32:00.001-08:00

i have been in the presence of great beauty.

not a beauty admired by media moncloberates
or, disemminated in stills.

but,

Beauty

wise and witty,

wicked when wanted,
wanting, just wanting to be

beauty
heavy coming,
understanding fully

the core

breached, burn-ing

down
to the ground, leaving only
the real, the unclean

beauty.

amy goodman, living goddess

2007-12-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

"nothing!!!"

just give it halway through, then you'll see

- - - -

this is oVanderhoot, and i approve of these here mystery bloggings.
~gracias and looking forward to the nexts

You Want I Should Humbug?

2007-12-22T07:18:00.000-08:00

Man Accused of Sex Offence After Caught in Tandem with Bike

2007-12-21T14:51:00.000-08:00

The Union Jack
December 2007

Room cleaners forced to use pass keys on a locked door in the Aberly house hostel in Ayr discovered a man having sex with his bike. The female employees were shocked to find Robert Stewart naked from the waist down, gyrating back and forth with his bicycle. They immediately informed the manager, who informed the police.

At Ayr Sheriff's Court the man was placed on the sex offenders register after being convicted of 'sexually aggravated breach of the peace', and given three years probation. "In almost four decades in the law I'd thought I'd come across every perversion known to man", commented Sheriff Colin Miller, "but this is a new one on me"

Stewart, 51 denied the offence and claimed it was a complete misunderstanding due to a drinking problem.

Having sex with an inanimate object is an unusual case to see in a British court, but in 1993, an electrician from Redditch in the West Midlands was jailed after being caught doing suspicious push-ups over paving stones on a neighborhood sidewalk.

Defiling Hernando's Home

2007-12-21T11:07:00.000-08:00

Awww...thats better.

- Holly Go-Stomply

Plans for Saturday?

2007-12-20T12:39:00.000-08:00

December 22nd is Global Orgasm Day. Synchronize your watches.

--die Grumbeere

on the bike

2007-12-20T11:48:00.000-08:00

Is this sport easy?

No, not really. Not at all. So why do we do it?

When you are not fit you suffer and get dropped.

When you are fit you suffer and don’t get dropped. You actually suffer longer the better you get.

What draws you to a sport that causes you so much pain and agony?

thanks, Wolff

2007-12-20T08:54:00.000-08:00

got sent this vid of the great kiddie fall of Melbourne '07

le ouch.
~m

TOILET CLEANING INSTRUCTIONS

2007-12-20T08:46:00.000-08:00

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up a cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse.'

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid and seat.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he or she will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

Your Dog

Iraq'd

2007-12-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

Mystery blogger in the house! Happy to be here today.

Allright, enuff of the celebration. Let’s start things off with a bit of reality.

Conservatives have been blowing about how great things are in Iraq now a days. Andrew Sullivan has some cold water to throw in their faces:

No one ever mentions the fact that we have literally built walls around each neighborhood and along every highway as the reason the violence is down here. The place looks like an Orwell novel gone wrong. The people cannot shoot each other through walls and the insurgents cannot move around to plant their bombs. A society cannot function walled off form each other. We pay every bill, manage every facet of governance. The government at every level is a joke. The ministries are controlled by one faction (Shia). They have almost no experience or education. A bunch of guys walk around in suits and look important while they do nothing.

This is the neo-cons idea of "good news".

We’re going to be stuck in that country for years.

can't help myself

2007-12-19T19:27:00.000-08:00

had to stick one in myself ... got swept up by the Utubes.

-

ok ... that's all from me. back to mystery scribblers.
~m

Be scared of change

2007-12-19T13:52:00.000-08:00

FIX PUSH

--die Grumbeere

Sure, blame the women

2007-12-19T11:45:00.001-08:00

The folks over at the Freakonomics blog stumbled across this story. It seems a top UK chemist was asked by a woman what she could do to stop global warming. His response:

"[S]top admiring young men in Ferraris."

The commentary from the Freakonimics crew is:

King’s larger point — that we should act individually to start a cultural shift that re-prioritizes gas guzzlers at the bottom of the desirability list — is probably valid. But broad assumptions about women liking hot cars (and the men who drive them) aside, the idea that one person’s decisions should be unrelated to his or her personal interests runs contrary to free-market models for achieving both personal and societally optimal results. In other words, trying to influence someone else’s consumer choices is far less effective than simply making those choices yourself. The woman’s goal — to reduce greenhouse gas emissions — would most efficiently be reached by taking direct action, like trading in her own gas guzzler for a hybrid, rather than indirectly signaling others to do so.

Not surprisingly, Ferrari owners are reportedly furious about King’s comment, with the Ferrari Owners Club responding that most owners of the cars are married (and thus aren’t driven to purchase them based on a desire to land women, the economics of which we’ve discussed before). In other words, they’re turning the discussion 180 degrees from King’s point, which is that individual consumer decisions can and do matter to global climate change. While King’s intentions were in the right place, he might want to rethink his methods of communication (not to mention his culturally limited decision to tell women that their biggest contribution to fighting climate change lies in encouraging men to fight climate change).

--die Grumbeere

Journalism

2007-12-19T09:33:00.001-08:00

The guy who has been offering his breath-of-life Special Comments to us for the last year and a half or so sat down with Bill Moyers the other night to 'splain himself.

--die Grumbeere

J.A.R.E.N.G.

2007-12-19T09:28:00.000-08:00

--die Grumbeere

What really matters

2007-12-19T08:03:00.000-08:00

Earlier this week Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee issued a non-campaign campaign ad ('tis the season to have your cake and eat it, too). Let's take a look, shall we?

First things being first, let's cover the quick grammar issue. One is not worn out "of" something, one is worn out "from" something. I've got a love/hate issue with anal retentive grammar snobbery, but let's be clear here: this wasn't some off-the-cuff stump speech, this was a pre-written, cut and edited television ad. "If you can't get your prepositions correct, you don't get to be president of the United States," is what was said to me over breakfast this morning. That's a criterion I can get behind.

Secondly, look at the framing. No need to go back; here's a screenshot:

It is in no way reading too much into this to be sure that it is absolutely intentional that as Mr. Huckabee is saying "celebrating the birth of Christ" is what really matters, a glowing white cross is centered between him and the Christmas tree. Huckabee and his camp are, of course, saying that reading too much into it is exactly what's being done. Downplaying the idea that it's some sort of subliminal Christ infusion, he, um, joked yesterday that "if you play this spot backwards it says 'Paul is Dead, Paul is Dead, Paul is Dead,'" I call bullshit. That bookshelf was lit and framed so that viewers could see nothing but a glowing white cross. Anyone and everyone who looks at that clip sees it. And he's claiming coincidence? None of the crew setting up, lighting, framing, and editing the ad had any idea about that glowing white cross behind him?

Not quite finally, the content. "What really matters is the celebration of the birth of Christ." There are two short sentences from the Constitution worth dredging up here. The first, and probably most well known, is the First Amendment:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

And the second is from Article IV:

The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.

The salient point here is that Mr. Huckabee has every right to run this ad and say what he says, glowing white cross and all. You and I, however, also have every right to, come voting day, completely reject any candidate who so obviously makes religion (any religion) a part of his or her platform. And if you don't think that Mike Huckabee will make his religious beliefs an overt part of his potential presidency, so some Google searches. Saving you some research time, Think Progress has compiled a list of on-record quotes about homosexuality from the man himself. In fact, in a recent ad that ran in Iowa, Huckabee summed it all up neat and tidy for you: "''Faith doesn't just influence me, it really defines me.''

Faith defines him. And what really matters (to anyone watching his ad, apparently) is celebrating the birth of Jesus. I can't imagine I'm alone in finding that a bit insulting. I don't find it insulting when someone, be it a retail employee, a coworker, or whoever, wishes me a Merry Christmas. But when someone who wants to be my president tells me that what matters--not to him, but to anyone and everyone listening to him--is celebrating the birth of the guy he claims as his religious savior, yeah, I take it personally.

Vote for whomever you will, but please try to remember that while many of our founding fathers were religious themselves, they took great care to keep that part of their lives (and the lives of their successors) out of our government.

--die Grumbeere

Trebon'ed

2007-12-18T15:43:00.000-08:00

stole from Steve

once you go brack ...

2007-12-18T13:02:00.000-08:00

The mystery/anonymous/guest bloggers are getting que'd up and ready for assault.

It starts tomorrow and ends 12/31.
-

and then, it's moving-on to another project for creative outlet. There will, of course, be a sappy and heartfelt end'er post from me. Hopefully, in the next couple weeks I'll be able to organize the many thoughts and thanks rambling around my heedcasket ... into a post that honors and thanks you all and what we create/have created on the interwebs.

i am a fan of ... creating.
and sharing.

"must ketch-up"

2007-12-17T09:13:00.000-08:00

Got word that Georgia Gould took Natz as the opportunity to toss down some equity-speak. right on.

i haven't even read the petition yet [on equitable pay for the genders in cycling], but I already know i will sign it. may i tell you why?

because i've seen GOuld race ... seen her grimace and grime her way through slicked, wrecking mudsloshes and watched her do the hard-pack humpup over SeaOtter 15%s on lap 2, after 2+.

she races everywhere, races consistently, races and shows off her Luna-ness.

Gould is ... a professional. and only 27 years old.

so, i will sign it. (thanks to the proRoadie who forwarded me Gould's petition ... i see even that apely-imp Stevil of Swobo lodged his voice in unision ... read everything)
-

MYSTERY BLOGGERS UNITE
come pee on this website. i still have to ask a couple tappers to come join the ugly, but i'll be contacting and scheduling you other troggles who commit pen to anablogue.

but, i think mystery blogging will start tomorrow.

slipped in

2007-12-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

so you'd find this one

2007-12-14T13:58:00.001-08:00

cut it pretty seemless, too.

i'm telling you ... math
sex

clearing space

2007-12-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

I've got too much to catch up on today, but ... it won't happen.

get Stevil his pretty pink things from the LA velodrome trip. let them drip into his hands.
discuss, at length, how f*ing pissed i am to not have been able to unleash a full stank of hernando upon the socalites. so f*ing pissed ... and i wanted some of that cash.
respect Paul Sadoff for all the VOS Team bikes he's making. check it, yo.
call "bullshit" to anyone who says they actually enjoy racing cross nationals like it's ice capades.

i mean ... ew.
drop a few more f*bombs because i missed the Pilarcitos final to go to that stupid Velodrome race. but, it was worth it. oh, the faces of the Socalites as they attempted to understand and place me in their heirarchy of cool.

hint: just go to the bottom rung, and you'll see me camped out, partying ... laughing about shit. crazy.
ichin' for a bike ride after actual days off the bike. a rest bloc ... it's just about turning me sideways with go-juice.

i hate rest.

- - -

you're doing a heck of a job, brownie

2007-12-13T11:56:00.000-08:00

*Edit:
ah yeah, let's do it. I'm opening up this blog to a select few guest/mystery bloggers. You must sign up to blog for at least 2 days (LAUREN!) and must generate at least 1 post per day ... otherwise, i'll reveal who you are and call you a douchebag on the interwebs.

It can be completely anonymouse, or you can log-in as your own acct. Just tell me what your nomeDAYplume is and what days you want the trigger.

I will select a few bloggers to guest write ... whatever they want. I won't reveal blogger day-jobs unless they say so, or until the feds turn the water bucket on me.

Guest blogging will run 12/16/07 - 12/30/07 ... no blogs from me, i'm on vacation.
12/31/07 = sign off of the Vanderhoot blog. guh-bye.
1/1/08 = new stuff, hopefully.

DEADLINE to submit application to be Mystery VanderBlogger: 12/15/07'ish. but, if you like how its going and want to sign up later ... maybe they'll be a day or two open.

submit to me, dark overlord vanderpoop (via the emails: pedalhome(at)hotmail.com):
1. blogging name you'll use
2. what days you want your red X on
3. how many viagra emails you get per day
- - - - -

MysteryVanderBloggers (as of 12/13/07):
1. die Grumbeere
2. griff
3. Captain Manfred Von Richtofen
4. KarlRover
5. Blogger Hogger

- - - - -

Calling for guest bloggers*

I'm slammed for another couple weeks at work. Anybody interested in going hog-wild and unedited on a website that gets more traffic than appropriate?

can be anonymouse, btw.

send me word through the interwebs if interested and which bloc of days you'd like the helm (5-10 day blocs ... yeah, there are a couple of you i have in mind)
~

been doing this site for a while now ... need a new project, cuz' familiarity breeds contempt. may have to pull and re-invent.
so it goes.
- - - - -

thanks for clearing that up

2007-12-13T04:48:00.000-08:00

VN's Neil Rogers let's Rock Racing's Ball roll on.

here, defending any rumor against KayLeogrande getting popped at Superweek.

There is not another sport in the world that eats its young the way cycling does. As you can see, I'm a passionate individual, but I'm very passionate about that, especially when I hear these things about Kayle. When you look at what happened with Puerto, and you look at [2007 Tour de France winner Alberto] Contador, he was involved in that, he's still racing. Of course. Why? Because he is the son of f---ing Spanish nationals. Period. What, are they going to throw him to the wolves? No way. [Contador was cleared by both a Spanish judge and the UCI.-VN Editor]

to which he follows the logic model ...

NR: So there was no hesitation for you to bring Botero to the team even though he was implicated in Puerto?

MB: F--- no. No way. There is nothing there, man. Nothing. Zero. The Colombian national federation has cleared him, there's nothing else there. And there's another tragedy right there, that's another case of an amazing talent that has been spooked and run out of cycling.

and i said, right on.
i coudn't come close to finishing the thing

scooped

2007-12-12T12:49:00.000-08:00

Swobo hobo
Readings of velodrome shenaniganry ~

sabreena and her new toy
thighs and oranged-up crotches
hanaaaaaaan
karlita

bike porn

2007-12-11T13:18:00.000-08:00

Rock Lobster is rad ...

Check out Rye Bontrager's new uber-pit bike.

the envy of all ... the bell of this year's ball. Nationals ... look out.

can't wait for the new '08 VOS Racing team bikes to come out. First batch is in fabrication, baby!

too busy, so stol'd another

2007-12-11T11:43:00.000-08:00

this guy is pretty hawt,
i must say (t'anks brian)

thanks russel

2007-12-10T21:41:00.000-08:00

chingon

2007-12-10T13:05:00.000-08:00

i hear a man talking particle weight and force threshold, or somethin'erother. He is dirty dark'ish - the leathery kind - but a whiteman under it all, i think.

his hair is grey and jerry garcia, but headbanded back in a kick his own.
the guy off the log, where man is perched
is fairly silent in his listening, and weirdly respectful from where i stand.

clear and precise, he talks neutrons and electrons and vast magical energies derived of smashing things.

and i said, all right.

piss it away

2007-12-10T07:56:00.000-08:00

and why not?
-

chill and crisp, under a coldblue sky of morning. a winter's day in paradise ... the far away rumble of a coastal freeway. the stiff, slowly waking trees outside a window. the crow - always the crow - black and silent - birdwalking across the thin ledge of the building next, almost hearing the scritch-scratch of those taloned feet as he skips and scanters around the corner and is gone.

it is a morning to find meaning in what we do.
-

but ... sean penn is a commie actor

2007-12-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

One exception: Dennis Kucinich, who with the minimal time allotted him, once again rose up beyond the sound bite and put principal ahead of party; argued policy rather than politeness. He has been the dominant voice of integrity on issues of trade, labor, education, environment, health, civil liberties, and the one endlessly determined voice of peace. But is he too short? Does his haircut not appeal? Is he not loyal enough to a cowardly democratic platform? Does he not appeal to the cult of personality? And what if the answer is yes? What if Dennis Kucinich, the most deserving and noble of candidates, the most experienced in issues of policy and the least willing to play into the politics of personal power? What if we can’t elect a man simply on the basis of the best ideas, the most courage, and the most selfless service? What does it say about our country when we can’t rally the voices of the common good to support a man, like our troops, who would die for us, who would die for our constitution? Who, as mayor of Cleveland at the age of 31 stood up against contracts on his life. Three separate assassins whose intent was to kill him as he stood up for his constituency there. Nonetheless, he carries on. He continues to serve. I’ve been a supporter of Dennis Kucinich for several years. And I’ve been torn lately. I’ve been torn by the allure of “electability.” I began to invest some support in a very good man (one among Dennis’s opponents) who seems to be finding himself as a constitutional defender, but he’s not one yet. He is however, among those that we allow the media to distinguish as electable. But we’re talking about the Constitution here. We’re talking about our country. I have decided not to participate in proactive support on the basis of media distinctions. I have chosen to pledge my support to the singular, strongest and most proven representative of our constitutional mandate. Dennis Kucinich [CG]

cleveland assassins?

that's core.

you die like diarrhea

2007-12-07T15:24:00.001-08:00

velonews breaks somebody else's story about 6 riders from TMobile '06 TourdeFrance team gonna be named as ePO'sers

the team~

klodi
micRogers
stinkywitz
tiniGuerini
Selvilla
Ke$$ler
mazzyleeny
Gonchar
Ullrich

Announcement

2007-12-07T13:05:00.000-08:00

from my madison partner next year ...
-

Cross-Mass Party at Coyote Point

What: Lightweight Cross Bike Contest
When: Sunday December 9, 2007
Where: Coyote Point Cross Race, Cross-Mass Party Tent

I'm sure you've all seen the Plus-one-lap light bike gallery where
they ask you to send in pictures and specs of your sub 18lb cross rigs:

http://plusonelap.blogspot.com/search/label/Sub%2018lb%20Cyclocross%20bikes

To be honest, I'm skeptical about the reported weight of some of these
bikes. To help me get over my skepticism I want to weigh a bunch of
race ready cross bikes and I figure Coyote Point this weekend is a
good chance.

Bring your rig by the Cross-Mass/Alto Velo/D3Cycling tent and get it
weighed on my bike scale. To find the tent, look for the green flag
with the white cross, it looks like this:

http://www.evite.com/gtimages/H/Y/F/HYFIEAFBWROLNBMNJZIZ.jpg

We hope to set up near the beach. The person that has the lightest
RACE READY bike will win a prize (TBD, probably a six pack of Fat Tire
if you're of age, maybe some cup cakes if you're not of legal drinking
age or don't like bear). I'll compile and post all the results and
send them to this list as well.

I'll try and be there early, but I can't make any promises. And I may
be gone riding at some point in the morning. This contest is informal,
to say the least. There may be someone there to help if I'm not, so
please do stop by and at least join the party.

See you Sunday.

Brian Peterson
-

bummer, gotta miss it.

merryxmass to me

2007-12-07T09:28:00.001-08:00

and i'll ride my bicycle back.

yes, i'm completely and utterly convinced that the Bush Administration should be impeached and have their hairy little butts shaved with electrical tape swipes.

and then, they must be forced to sit nekkid in windowless guantanamo cells and entwine their little piles of painfully stripped ass-hairs into line-crisp hitler moustaches ... to be distributed at the next NRC convention.
-

Perfect Cross Weathers

The Pilarcitos Final on Sunday gets the best of both worlds ... warmly sunshine and chances of fresh dirt and occassional mud.

enough dirt for pictures, but not enough to kill the drivetrain.

Well, Stella f*king destroyed my drivetrain in yesterday's workout. With the threat of 100%drizzle on the forecast for the normally scheduled, I snuck out in the AM to do my personal secret lab-coat and hackle like a madman training.

i didn't think Stella would actually show up after work and want to train in the UCSC full-mist, no light conditions.

how stupid of me.

of course, it's always fun when you actually put the first foot forward and accept the wet. as long as you don't find yourself covered in mud with a branch poking the ribs mid-way through.

for her workout ~ no crashes, 1 stumble during a running drill ... but otherwise she's healthy and prepped for nationals. The 35-39 field at Natz will be lovely to watch. I see that Constantini of SF (via Boulder these days) and Butler of the great northwest are both registered. That's a quality start line right there ...

Butler ended the USGP 8th overall, i think. And Dr. Constantini is a FULL-BLOWN high altitude racer now. When she came down here for that one Pilarcitos race ~ i watched her go over the barriers ... like she had helium in those BOulder-fied lungs of hers.

But, with Nationals ... it's always the conditions. The 10-day forecast makes it out for a cold, crisp race weekend. That could mean fast, but technical conditions and tactical riding. And with the word that this year's KC course suits strong-minded riders ... the events will be awesome to witness.

bring me pictures, folks. i have to miss this one.
~m

good morning, art

2007-12-07T06:15:00.001-08:00

stevil infects the interwebs again...

and now my morning will be doodling.

cool.

this is when i say, "fuck ya"

2007-12-06T21:27:00.000-08:00

notalgic for the red scare

2007-12-06T05:41:00.000-08:00

oh, Sheila

2007-12-05T14:31:00.000-08:00

That's right girl/boy/bothfriends ...

Sheila is having a sale.
-

Sabine and I are going to be traveling down to the lowlands in search of cashly glory and king sized mattresses this weekend ... thus will miss the MoonSale.

Grey ... you must buy me something pretty. 2 things, actually. I'll pay you back when you hand them over. we'll work out some currency exchange ... for services provided.

The last time i wore my Sheila Moonsuit was for the RidetheWorldCups.com fundraisers for the PROMAN UCI team. I rode that chamois into the ground that night. suuuuper comfortable.

I haven't heard from Shelley Olds about her Sydney World Cup cherry poppins ... but it sounded like she was psyched with her performance in the Scratch qualifier. She was 9th, and only 8 advanced. But, given the uber-competitive field in this Olympic Year ... that is a huge 1st race.

I can't wait to see what she pulls out in Beijing.

Word

business hours

2007-12-05T09:12:00.001-08:00

too busy today. too, too busy.
-

Randoms on order for mental stir-fry later today (hopefully) ~

2007 Women's Racing in review ... from Cherry Pie to BermudaPrix, i wanna spread some flattering lies and misrememberations about who did what and which punches were thrown and ducked.

and then i want to do a pre-view of the 2008 season ... BUT, most of the teams haven't been officially roster-launched ... so, i kind of have to wait and see on that score.

TIBCO's fancy new squadra has been announced ... and it is impressive ... but, i didn't have an 'official' inside scoop on that breaking story ... i guess my sources only go so far.

anyway ... that's on le menu.
Sheila Moon SuperSale ... There's a Dec 8th warehouse sale of Moonies

daddy want.

778A Brannan Street, SF 94106. 11am to 4pm.
Cross Nationals ... this is going to be one crazy-ass year for cross natz.

wish i could go sooooo bad.

not to race ... just to report on (create) the hooliganism.
NPR DemPres debate yesterday

got 10 loads of commentary on that action.

more later.
gotta pay back the man now.

allahi allah

2007-12-04T04:46:00.000-08:00

some things end heavens

practice, practice practice

2007-12-04T03:51:00.000-08:00

i love that a lot of this action is all filmed in our backyards ...

gotta have

before you get

and yet, there's always a little bit of this waiting in the wings

sunshine efforts

2007-12-03T22:16:00.000-08:00

Rain cancels the bicycle race this weekend, or so says the flier.

... i'm doing the rain around the race dance like it's candied medication.
-

Snagged some SWOBO gear from sk today.

then i met tim parr.

steven said i have to come back a with a win, or don't come back.

such are the heavy responsibilities of corporate sponsorship.

oppressed by the man*

*i assured the Men that all fall before the blade.

Click To Play

i'll go, but is there room for my ego, too?

2007-12-03T15:48:00.001-08:00

Dear Mr. Googles,

i believe you owe me some money.

as the boy said, i want my two dollars ...
-

and ... in an image search for a post this weekend, i came across this doozy ~

"rock racing" image search de' googles.

i'm just saying ...

good works

2007-12-03T07:54:00.001-08:00

I met Matthew Werner climbing up boonydoon hill one fine autumn Tuesday.

He does custom furniture/woodwork out of the sCruz like nobody's business. But, what gets me teary-eyed is the volunteering of time and resources he does for the Iraq Project.

If anyone is looking for a good idea for a ConsumerMass gift for a bike rider in your life ... the Iraq Junior National Cycling Team jersey might be the perfect thing to spend your dollars on.

"Equipment is mediocre at best. Many of the handlebars lack tape, and some don't even have brake pads. But they're riding their bikes, and that's a feat itself in a country where drivers are regularly killed by IEDs (improvised explosive devices), gunfire and horrific traffic accidents." [LINK]

it goes to help, it feels right, it looks good.

think about it. i mean, really think about it.

get well ... but let some other kids win first

2007-12-02T22:10:00.000-08:00

Katherine not-feeling-so Great

VsNews reports that Compton collapsed to the ground in the pits a couple laps into the USGP Final.

Compton rode into the mechanical pit area on lap three, and upon dismounting her bike, collapsed to the ground. The national champ could not be reached for comment Sunday night.

(not to mention poor Bessette face-planting in an ice-puddle and freezing herself into dnf'dom ~m)

damn ... that's laying it out there.
-

Word is that Ms.Compton found herself yet another victim of the euro-muds ... apparently she returned from her trip of reverse-colonialism infected with whatever oook and oooze they grow in those continental mudpits.

and yet ~ Compton is still pinning on numbers to respect the race.

that's kickass.

kickass, but dangerous.
-

[and yup, we're proud of our local favorites showing so well up in the great NorWest. Newsworthy rides by a bunch of folks ... can't wait to steal some pics and spread some exaggerations of their exploits tomorrow.]

it's official

2007-12-02T11:12:00.000-08:00

first off ...
it's Sunday morning ...

that's time to find your other and press some flesh in bed.

do it.
-

Guilt will suffice just fine, thank you

Word has echoed up Westridge, swirled around Demo for a couple laps, and hurled itself down Buzzard's Lagoon to slap me upside the head with news ....

Swobo is going to package my ass up for sale and distribution.

That's right, Stevil owed me big for not showing up to our Surf City HallowMass this year ... so, it looks like i've exploited the mea culpa and got his hairy ass to go dumpster diving at the Swobo heedquarters, digging me up something middle-fingery to wear down south while I assault the plastic people.

That race is going to be fucking mayhem. $10K in cashPRIZEmoney ... to only the top 5. That means elbowed fights, shifting alliances, and blood-mercenary payoffs.

bring it. i love this kind of high-stakes velodrama.

and you can bet your bottom, any dollars won will be spent in debauchery immediately thereafter.
-

But that's not what i really want from Stevil ...

Well,

actually there are 2 things i really want from Stevil. I guess i'm going to have to give him some pump action to get both. we'll see.

at the least of it, i'll probably have to go berzerker in one of his evil feats of strength, or something.

i'm willing to sacrifice for it.
-

THING 1: Stella's scars

you see ...

Single Speed World Championship
2002, Saturday October 12th Downieville, California, USA
From Wikipedia

The 2002 event was the first to awarding the winners branding instead of tattoos. Stella Carey said the branding hurt much less than the pain endured during the race. The brands were applied by professional brander, Michael Hare, of Exotic Body in Sacramento, California.

Additionally Stella and Travis were each awarded a pig trophy. These frames of the trophies were made by welding expert and bike frame maker Rick Hunter. Steve Smith assembled dissected embryo piglets into cylinders of formaldehyde and/or urine held in each trophy. The most memorable moment for the participants was the complimentary Budweiser-in-the-can and BBQ'd hot dogs provided at the top of the initial climb by two drunken, obese men.

Female Winner - Stella Carey (USA)
Male Winner - Travis Brown (USA)

So, here's the narrative ~

When Stella won her 2nd SSWC in 2002 ... she was given that brand -the Holy Grail mark of the beast that most of us can only dream of inflicting upon ourselves. Stella took the burn in style, but upped the ante with what she did after.

Turns out ... Stella watched that branded skin sizzle and pucker and scab over in hateful chips of pain. oh yes, the scabs. I mean, we are talking about a chunk of scalding metal etching a pattern of scorched permanence on your skinsuit.

Anyway, Stella got to picking off all the scabs on her branded, championly violated skin. She picked and pulled those dried remains off her body and then ... do you know what she did then?

Stella carefully, and oh-so-artfully, reassembled each and every one of those scabby, discarded blood-chips of pain onto a sweet little placard, glued and arranged in the exact shape of the original brand on her skin.

... and handed it off to Stevil for posterity.

i want it.

actually, Stella really wants it ... but, she won't get it until after I've had my way with it.
-

THING 2: portrait of god

and that's all there is to it.
-

thanks for the hookup, ss. i owes you.
~m

oh yeah!

2007-12-01T17:58:00.000-08:00

check it ~

RonaldMariano.com has put out 2008 NCNCA Calendars in men and women featured versions.

holee shyte, stuff like this just makes me wet. i love picking out my favorites in the pretty pictures...

be sure to buy yours soon, folks. i'm sure they'll run out fast given the quality. talk about your perfect little holiday gifts for geeky biker friends or those cats in your office that just have no clue as to what you do every lunch hour and during too many weekends.

kickass. thanks, Ronald.

maybe you're like me

2007-12-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

it's saturday morning ~ coffee (decaf ... wah) is brewed up, the other half is snuggled in bed, the cats are rolling around shedding puffs of pleasure all about ...

and politics is perfect conversation.
dennis kucinich ... he's making me horny.

oh ... sweet ... jesus, press play

2007-11-30T16:34:00.000-08:00

ctodd.tv

just give it 1 minute ...
then he shifts to the big ring.

(thanks FrankK)